The age old lie that pornography is not for women is precisely that, an absurd and outdated myth. There is absolutely no reason why the boys should have all of the fun. If you empty the house, pour yourself a glass of wine and start surfing, I guarantee that you will stumble upon a world of naughty delights, just waiting to complement the fertile imagination that all strong, independent ladies have.
This is part two of my guide to the most commonly used terms, within mainstream pornography – put your feet up, pick up your drink and get ready to learn something new.
Gonzo – this is a specific type of pornography, in which the camera is directly acknowledged. It is designed to make a viewer feel like they are part of a scene, but it often comes across as a weirdly naked version of a postmodern film. If you watch gonzo porn, it won’t be long before you start waiting for Brad Pitt to flash up on screen, Fight Club style.
Jack Gagger – an old fashioned term used to describe a husband who is turned on by letting other men pay to have sex with his spouse. I like to imagine that there is a particularly crafty older woman behind this one somewhere, just rubbing her hands together with abject glee. ‘What do you mean he looks just like Denzel Washington? Well, I suppose I don’t mind…’
Merkin – sadly, the merkin has become a rare sight within mainstream pornography. It is like the British badger – people are so desperate to cull it, that it has found itself a comfortable hole and only comes out to forage. It is a pubic hair wig, which can be slipped over the (male or female) crotch as an erotic accessory.
MILF – this is one of those terms which has become so curiously mainstream, that even dads and grandparents now use it in a misguided attempt to be trendy. It stands for ‘Mother I’d Like To Fuck,’ and if your own mother ever thinks that it is okay to jokingly refer to herself as a MILF, after too many cocktails, do feel free to explain at length just how painfully it makes your toes curl.
Mish – the rather cutesy term ‘mish’ is shorthand for missionary position. You know, the go to midweek position, when you are both exhausted after work, and any form of creativity is about as likely as a surprise appearance from Channing Tatum.
Orgy – the orgy is the bigger, gentler sister of the gangbang. She believes in orgasms for everybody, a healthy balance of male and female genitals, and an entertaining splash of partner swapping for everybody involved. As far as group sex goes, the orgy reigns supreme. There is no single female object here, waiting to be pawed and played with by a gang of faceless men.
Pearl Necklace – this is a term which lots of women have trouble with. Yet, it is one of the nicer phrases used within mainstream pornography, and it doesn’t have to represent an oppressive act. It refers to the act of climaxing onto the breasts or neck, thereby simulating a ‘pearl necklace.’ If it is performed with comfort and permission, there is no reason why this ‘gift’ cannot be a super erotic way to finish.
Queening – a sexual act in which a dominant woman uses the face of a subservient man as a queenly throne. I must warn you, this practice loses all erotic appeal as soon as you accidentally picture Queen Liz, settling in for the night with a cup of hot cocoa on her own ‘throne.’
Reverse Cowgirl – if you have ever enjoyed a wild ride on top, you will know all about being an accomplished ‘cowgirl.’ This is one of those terms that women should learn to feel more comfortable around. We spend so much time fighting the negative words and phrases, that we often ignore the ones that imply power and control. As a cowgirl, you are the master of your horse – you only need to spin things around to be get a little reverse action going.
Scissoring – a sexual act which involves two female performers. This practice is thought of as being quite common to lesbian couples, but it is actually rather rare outside of pornography. In order to reach climax, two women sit with their legs intertwined in a V-shape, and rub their genitals together until they both orgasm. For any curious fellas who might be reading – no, this is not what 17 year old girls get up to at sleepovers.
Shemale – a controversial term, which is generally rejected by the transgender community. It has, nevertheless, entered mainstream porn, with transgender performers regularly being referred to as ‘shemales’ or ‘chicks with dicks.’ There are some transgender performers who believe that the term should be reclaimed as a word of empowerment.
Stranger On The Rocks – no, not a noir crime thriller, but the act of numbing one hand in a bucket of ice, so that it feels like somebody else is stimulating your genitals. This has been the preserve of sexually repressed teenage boys for quite some time now – see any ‘gross out’ teen movie for a plethora of solo wank gags.
Squirting – the squeamishness around this particular skill has long been in need of an update, and any woman who can enthusiastically squirt her wares has no reason to feel anything but awfully proud of it. Whilst some believe that all women have the ability to learn how to ‘squirt’ when they orgasm, others believe that only a handful of ladies can do it. It is a highly desirable skill, amongst both men and women – guys seem to go crazy for it – so if you can, make the most out of it.
I hope that you have enjoyed my wander through this world of erotica, and that it has made you think a little about pornography as an active entity – rather than something which is not meant for you, and that you should have no part in.
It is important to remember that change comes through active participation. In this case, that means championing the women who are doing their bit to make the industry a safe, comfortable and exciting place for women.
If you are feeling extra daring, check out some of the female-friendly links provided at www.welovegoodsex.com or www.sexyfeminist.com.