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Love Lab

Head to Head

Love: It’s Not a Game

It’s everywhere you turn.  In books, on TV, on the big screen and in your very own life; girls calculating their every move when playing the game of love.  The problem is that Love is not a game and boys don’t respond well to the manipulation.

Girls make up all sorts of excuses as to why a boy didn’t text them back.  Why they are giving one word answers and why they haven’t asked you to meet their friends. There are simple answers to these questions but because of the inquisitive and over analytical nature of a girl in love, we jump straight to the worst conclusion.

 A friend of mine was eagerly awaiting a phone call for date number two from a nice man she met.  When the days went on and he didn’t call she began to doubt herself.  I asked her if it was a good first date.  If it wasn’t a good first date then don’t expect there to be a second.  According to her it was good and he seemed very eager for date number one so what was going on now?  I suggested she just text the guy and say she had a good time the other night and would love to do it again sometime.  Even if date number one wasn’t awesome maybe number two would be better.  First dates are rarely perfect.  

Little did I know that I was setting my friend up for another 24-hours of anxiety.  The brain can come up with a million different scenarios for why a boy hasn’t answered and usually none of them are rational.  She thought of everything from, ‘he doesn’t like me’ to ‘I should’ve slept with him’.  WHOA! No you shouldn’t have.  Ladies- know yourself.  This girl would have been crushed having slept with this guy only to never hear from him again.  Maybe it works for you but you have to no your own limits!

Finally, he answered with available dates and asked her what she had in mind.  Let the games begin… Her first question to me was to ask how long she should wait before responding.  WHAT? Just respond!  This is a thirty year old woman who doesn’t need a boy, she needs a man, so why is she playing games with him?  I told her to respond with a date that he had given and a place and time.  Stating exactly where she wanted to go and when puts her in a position of power.  No need to go back and forth.  Let him know that you’re a woman who knows what she wants.  Besides, you don’t want a guy who can’t handle it.  The reason for his delay was revealed of course; he was working late and had fallen asleep early.  Regardless if you believe this answer, it’s what he chose to say.  Your first thought should be to trust him.  If you don’t start a relationship with trust it’s probably not going to go far. And does it really matter?  If he’s lying to you, you’ll figure it out pretty quickly.  If he’s not interested he won’t keep going on dates.  The important thing is that he said yes.  So go take a chance.

In the end there is usually a reasonable explanation for most delayed texts or missed phone calls.  Of course no one wants to be badgered by a text every five minutes and endless phone calls.  But think about how you would feel on the other end of it all.  You probably already know.  So why play the game? I’m of the firm belief that if a boy wants to go out with you he will.  Boys don’t just date people they don’t like.  Especially if you’re not going to sleep with them.  Trust yourself. Trust that you’re a beautiful, strong woman and if he can’t see that he’s not worth your time.  

Turns out date number two wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  Maybe because date number one wasn’t exactly all it was cracked up to be either.  Being honest with yourself is important when dating.  If you’re not sure, chances are neither are they.  Sometimes it takes date number two to figure it out, and sometimes date number one is enough.  But when you don’t get an answer and you feel you’re not done trying, then throw the old rules out the window and be a go-getter.  Go out and get your man! Boys can be thick and men even thicker (they’ve had years of practice).  Sometimes it takes a strong woman to show them what they want.

So be that strong woman and make the phone call.  Don’t analyze the time between and just be natural.  You wouldn’t wait a day to get back to your friend would you?  So why do it to your potential life partner?  Start the way you mean to go on.  If he’s not ready for a woman who knows what she wants is he really the guy for you?

So stop playing games. It’s not worth your time, your energy or your love. 


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