I started to write a private blog at the start of my treatment, kind of like keeping a diary, I got a good response from close friends and family, so I have decided to try and reach out to more people, I just want to help people and give people thinking of going through IVF a bit of an insight of how it is, so I am sharing my blog from the start, and I hope it helps, although you feel alone you’re not…..
So I decided to start writing a blog instead of posting everything on Facebook, basically giving people the choice to read /not read what I have to say through mine and my mr’s IVF treatment! It’s going to get tough, it’s going to get VERY emotional, in fact it already is :s me and my partner phil got referred to an IVF specialist around June last year, after discovering cysts keep on bursting on my ovaries (very painful) my consultant thinks the hormone treatment will help with the cysts and he’s rushing us through because each time a cyst bursts it add’s more scarred tissue and blockages to my Fallopian tubes. My nan passed away in September 2013 so we decided to take a break from the IVF treatment (I was a mess). I started counselling and although I’ve only have a few sessions I feel better within myself. So here I am two days away from a very important appointment with my consultant one of the best fertility doctors in Europe, I am so nervous, so many things are running through my head, what if it doesn’t work? What if it does? Will I be a good mum if it does? Do I talk about babies too much? Am I putting too much pressure on phil? And again WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK??
So I sit torturing myself by watching baby programmes, I sit I cry, I put a brave face on so everyone thinks I’m ok, unfortunately the stress has already set in and is taking its toll on my body, my appetite has disappeared, I hope once I know the full details of what I have to do during the IVF I relax a bit. I’m scared really scared, if only I could let people know how I am feeling, what it’s like to be a natural maternal woman and not being able to have the chance to put that instinct into practice.
I must be positive and stay that way for me and phil, we’ve had our ups and downs but we are stronger and more in love than ever now and it’s time to move forward and hopefully get that beautiful baby we’ve always dreamed off.
I hope everything goes to plan, I just need to stay positive