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You Can’t Eat Your Sadness Away

This is the tale of a little young lady (me) who once got pretty sad. At first, she wouldn’t know herself that something was wrong, but over time, she was spending more time in her room and less around friends. Her new best friends were fictional characters from Gossip Girl (#TeamBlair) and she could only think of her past, regrets and what could have been. Instead of moving forward, this little young girl was stuck in the past.

When people hear of depression, they can only picture the suicidal, hospitalised, medicated and anti-social person. I was one of those people until it was my turn. I was never dangerous and in my eyes, there were never signs that told me I had to see someone or take anything but I definitely hit rock-bottom. If you are to know me right now, I couldn’t be any more social, I’m all laughs, fun and games but for a period of my life there was no place I felt safer than in my room with the door locked.  Even now when I can look back, I still am not able to put my finger on a single cause but rather think it was the combination of different situations such as unpleasant flatmates, new uni and random bad experiences with the bad world, not to mention that my comfort-zone people, my family, were thousands of km away.

It all started quietly, first I’d stay up one or two nights watching television series’. This progressed to the point I would go to sleep everyday at 7am to wake up 4pm and repeat. Before I realised what was happening, this behaviour had been going on for months. However, it wasn’t the tired eyes but the fact that none of my trousers fit me that really opened my eyes.

Before arriving to the UK I was in a healthy 45kg (I’m pretty short) and gained about 3 kg during my first months here (I love you fish and chips), but when I weighed myself that time, I was 55kg. Good times. Not only was I in a bad place in my life but also I was overweight.

First, I couldn’t believe my eyes but then, it all made sense. I was eating my sadness away. With such a messed up sleeping pattern, it was hard to tell when it was dinner time and I would only eat whenever I felt hungry, which was all the time, for nutella and takeaway. But I wouldn’t stop, I would eat until I could eat no more. I thought, well this one is going to be easy, I will just start a diet and eat like a healthy person. But I couldn’t. I lost count of the times I said “diet starts today” and ended up stuffing my face with cookies at the end of the night. Such lack of control on myself worried me so I did a quick google search (as we all do) and something along the lines of binge eating came up. I know it all sounds like a silly tale in which a little young lady really liked bad food but this all ended in me being on  the verge of calling an ambulance because a sudden, horrible, stomach ache was killing me. It turns out all the bad eating habits were screwing up my digestive system.

Luckily this tale ends with the little young lady having found her way in life. Once your health is compromised, one can only take everything more seriously and wanting or not, putting one’s life together. It was not easy but food can be more than comfort. There’s a little helper that can do well to all of us: exercise. I know, I know, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but like it or not, it improves your life.

I know it gets pretty rough sometimes and it seems like it’s all ending and there’s nothing worth living for, except there is: ourselves. Stand up, and push yourself to the right path cause I know what causes sadness in life isn’t always as trivial as a heartbreak but it is indeed true that if you don’t pick yourself up, no one else is going to.

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