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When I grow up…

I’ve never really thought of myself as an adult. I know that sounds really stupid, but it’s true. I moved out at 18, have been paying bills since then and always had my own car etc, but I’ve never felt truly grown up, until yesterday.

I started thinking about all the things that I do now that mean I have become one of those pesky responsible adults that I used to laugh at so much. Little things that wouldn’t have bothered me as a youngster now really grind my gears and suddenly, certain routines have become important. I decided to write down a few of the things to really highlight my transitional into adulthood, so see if you agree with any of them!

1. I take multivitamins. Not because my mum has left them out next to my morning cuppa, but because I bought them for me and my partner. I buy those A-Z ones, so I know we are getting 100% of everything we need, plus veggie oil capsules for our joints. WHEN DID THAT START HAPPENING?? I don’t even know if they are doing any good, I just keep taking them every single day.

2. I buy organic food. Where possible, I will buy the best quality food for my partner and I, not to mention our pooch. Avocados are suddenly a ‘must have’ and if I can’t find tahini, the world has ended. I don’t buy oven chips, crisps or chocolate bars. I’ve turned into one of those god awful ‘yummy mummies’, but without kids.

3. I wear very little make-up. It used to be a case of ‘if I can slap it on, it’s going on my face’, but now, it’s more surprising to see me fully made up than it is with nothing or just a little flick of mascara and some lip balm on. My skin has started to feel suffocated by make-up and I don’t care what people in the supermarket think of me. I always have imperfect hair and look as though I’ve just come in from digging the garden.

4. I change the toilet roll. When the current roll is getting low, I make sure there is a ‘spare’. No more gleefully using the last sheet and just expecting someone else to waddle to the other bathroom to grab a roll while I pretend I can’t hear the cries for help.

5. I remember to put the bins out. Enough said.

6. Seeing my friends means arranging dinner or a coffee, not a night out on the lash. there was a time when the streets of Norwich needed to beware if my friends and I were going out, but not anymore. We have mellowed to such a degree that a quiet dinner is far nicer these days and we usually go somewhere a bit more upmarket, such as a sushi restaurant and we don’t dine and dash.

7. I never wear high heels. Comfort has become king in my household! I never really needed to wear heels as I’m tall anyway, but I used to think nothing of strapping my self into some sky-high shoes to trot around in. Now, ballet pumps, boots and trainers are my only options. The thought of wearing heels makes my calves ache and the balls of my feet burn. Interestingly enough though, I still BUY high heels, because I always think they will ‘come in’ one day. That might be the most grown up phrase of all time.

8. I listen, almost exclusively, to BBC Radio 2. I love ‘Pop Master’, Simon mayo makes me laugh and damn it all, I love listening to the debates on Jeremy Vine. This might not be enough to warrant an adult status, but the thing that tips it over is that I have NO SHAME in admitting I love Radio 2. I’d wear a t-shirt. I’d be one of those loons that asks Ken Bruce for a signed picture of him and Lynn and rambles on for too long while people everywhere mute their car radios because it’s too embarrassing listening to me.

9. I buy boxes of ‘face tissues’, so when I have a cold, I’m not just sitting around with a toilet roll in front of me, I actually have some of those balsam soft tissues to take care of my nasal needs. I also have a medicines box, just like my mum did. It’s a shoe box that has everything you could possibly need in it. Something in your eye? Don’t worry; I have an eye bath thingy (that I’ve never used). Lost a limb? I can tourniquet that for you. I’m Florence fucking Nightingale.

10. I clean out the fridge and the freezer. No more dinners made from surprise food in this house. Nothing gets left at the back of the fridge anymore, in fact, I almost have a date rotation system in place. It’s bloody glorious.

Tha days of my youth when I would just glibly glide through my days being a twat and not caring about consequences are over. I look after myself and my family, I care about the impact I have on people and the planet and what’s more, I like admitting that i’m a grown up now. I’d wear a t-shirt with that printed on it. Ah, maybe I’m not quite as mature as I think when I still want everything I say written on a graphic tee…


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