I had to share this post!! Its hilarious!
It’s OK ladies, we’ve all been there. Here are the 30 things we’ve all thought about at least once while we’re supposed to be in the midst of sexual euphoria.
1. Wait, WHAT just happened in EastEnders?!
2. Can I change position and pretend I’m doing some hot porn move so that I can sort of watch EastEnders at the same time?
3. F*** that hurts.
4. I accidentally left it a few seconds too long to say that it hurts and now I have to pretend it’s all fun and games. Oh.
5. I’m not sure what I fancy for dinner tonight? Chinese or Indian?
6. Hmmm, I am going for Chinese with my dad tomorrow night, so maybe not that.
7. I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT MY DAD DURING SEX, ABORT, ABORT, ABORT.
8. Why isn’t he doing that thing I’ve told him I like at least 83627 times?
9. Oh, he’s going to try and ‘accidentally’ slip it in the wrong hole, again.
10. Can I reach the lube without falling off the bed?
11. I really think I might fart.
12. I definitely won’t be able to orgasm if I’m trying this hard not to fart. *thinks about dilemma for 17 seconds*
13. Oooh, but if this finishes soon we might be able to catch X Factor from the beginning.
14. Maybe I should make my sex noises a bit louder, that might help it along.
15. Wait, is this going to give me cystitis?
16. Is it wrong that I really want to check my phone? My last tweet was really funny, someone must have retweeted it.
17. Oh, that’s good. That’s really good. That wasn’t expected.
18. How do I tell him to only do that in the future and none of the other stuff he does without offending him?
19. Imagine if I had loo roll stuck to my private parts. That would be embarrassing.
20. Now I’m 89% sure I do have loo roll stuck, oh FFS.
21. My cat is watching me, I can’t have sex with my cat watching me.
22. Oh no, it’s coming closer. Why does it want to be part of this? It can’t be part of this. GO AWAY CAT.
23. I’m glad my boyfriend doesn’t want me to lick his bum. I’m really glad about that.
24. Why do my boobs fall to my armpits when I lie down?
25. I wonder if my boyfriend is also concerned about why they do that.
26. Wait, he’s not going to try and shoot his load all over my armpit boobs is he? He is, he definitely is.
27. If he gets it in my eye again I’m going to be fuming.
28. OK, nobody panic, I need a wee. Can I interrupt this or do I just try really hard not to pee on him.
29. Oh good, he’s flipped me into doggy position. Not only is my belly going to hang down like a set of cow udders but I’m not entirely sure I shaved everywhere all that accurately…
30. Fanny fart. Kill me now.
31. Screw this, I’m going for my wee.