In the most general of senses, most guys can be categorised as either bad boys or nice guys. If you don’t know which one a guy is, here’s how to identify them in their natural habitats without invasive measures:
often arrogant or over confident
aware of their good looks (or think they’re good looking when they actually look like a potato dropped in grit)
domineering and are incautious with physical contact (some ladies like this, I know)
usually have a more boisterous or shocking sense of humour, but still generally a good sense of humour
self-centred but like to spoil a girl
know how to keep a girl on the hook
can be relatively ‘exciting’ or ‘unpredictable’
sarcastic and teasing
usually more intriguing because it’s difficult to keep their attention
accommodating and generous
respectful and patient
usually chase the woman rather than the other way around
usually not so conventionally good looking, but not always
shy or lacking in confidence with women
eager about the relationship (can put women off, especially if they feel smothered)
not very tactful and usually quite easy to keep interested in you
I think we all know what I’m talking about, and you probably have a guy in your head right now. Nice guys are the ones we, as naive little twits, say we want but never give a chance, because at the end of the day, appearance is what matters initially. Before you’re able to know someone’s personality, all you see is a chiselled jaw and six pack and giant pair of pretty blue eyes that, as far as you know, belong to your soulmate. And the super attractive guys are usually going to be kind of douchey because they know they’re beautiful: they’ve been beating women off with a stick since their early teens and it’s inflated their heads a little.
But the nice guys aren’t perfect either. The ‘nice guys finish last’ pity party is wearing thin, as well as the ‘friendzone’ excuse, because the friendzone is in fact when a girl doesn’t like you and calls you her friend to cushion the blow. It’s her being nice. That’s the point where you should just back off and look for a girl who’s actually interested, not where you stick around for years being her shoulder to cry on just so you can complain about her not changing her mind. If you act like you’re alright with just being her friend, she ain’t psychic, she’s gonna think you’re her friend. But other than that, the nice guys seem to have the bad boys beat in terms of personality.
But, then again, personality doesn’t matter all that much to girls just discovering boys, and so the nice guys are usually left behind from the off. This gives them low self esteem while the bad boys, raking in the poon, think the world and his wife love them. This is where the gap between them really develops and the nice guys realise that they actually need to be smart, funny and everything that they can be to get girls to look at them twice. They also, in a lot of cases, start to think there’s no way on earth a girl would be interested in them and so become oblivious to any hints a girl gives them. Sometimes they’ve even grown into their looks and are completely desirable, they just don’t know it (this is like a fucking bald eagle; if you catch this guy, take it and run).
The problem lies in how women end up being treated by these boys. A relationship with a nice guy isn’t perfect but one with a bad boy can be so much more entwined with jealousy, lust, infatuation and young stupidity. They can make women think that they aren’t good enough for them, which, as us ditzy creatures have a competitive streak, except as a challenge and try to get them to change their minds. Women try to overlook their flaws by weighing them against their good points, but the good points can’t erase the fact that the guy talks to other women or that you were his second choice. You can’t change a person.
And so maybe we ought to be teaching our daughters to look at the picture that little boy drew for her or the story he wrote rather than let her wallpaper her room with posters of hotties (as hypocritical as that would be, seen as I’d walk around with a picture of Robert Pattinson’s abs printed on my clothes if it was socially acceptable). Maybe we should teach her the truth: that you can settle in terms of looks but not personality if you’re looking for love.
Of course there are some perfectly lovely bad boys out there, and some horrid ‘nice’ guys, but really the point of this is to outline the importance of what you can’t see. You stop being so blind as you get older, but when you’re young, the last thing you want is an ugly boyfriend. Guys have the same attitude really, but the difference is a little more stark in this situation and girls like to think they hold all the cards. So maybe you should let that completely nervous and fumbling guy take you out on a date, or look at your husband and imagine how much worse off you’d be if you stayed with that tool who spat you out. People talk about appearance not mattering, but they never put it into practice. Nobody’s perfect, least of all those that appear it from the outside.