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Norwegian troll close-up portrait

A Troll Called Poppy

Dear Poppy,

I feel deeply honoured to have been trolled! I’ve never had a cyber stalker to call my own, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to address you with my feedback on this new (and ever so weird) experience.

Let’s start off by clearing one little detail up – I know who you are. I’ll give it to you, it really freaked me out when it was pointed out to me that it was in fact you, not this random “Poppy”, who had not just found my articles (that in itself chills me to the bone mainly because I can’t for the life of me work out how you managed to find my articles here on WMW – actually, that’s a lie, I have a pretty good idea), and not only that, had also started communicating with me hidden behind an alias. Genius! Scary as hell, but genius nonetheless. I am always fascinated by villains, so I salute you! Well done, I properly freaked out, I’ll happily admit that, so hopefully the fact that you had me shaking in my little boots has just made your day.

So here’s where I’m at, so we can clear up the rest too, er… Poppy.

I get the alias, I really do. You’d look pretty silly looking me up and communicating with me after some recent shenanigans, so I can see why you had no other way if something I wrote got you so worked up you had to comment. I’m with ya, truly, although I have yet to contact anyone under a false name. Then again, I don’t have to hide because I OWN MY SHIT. Yup, I sleep pretty well at night, but hey, that’s just me and I’m sure insomnia has many advantages too for those who don’t like the idea of a solid eight hours.

But here’s the thing…. Yes, there are things I’ve seen for myself that I cannot understand or relate to, much less respect. I can’t deny that. And what’s more, I won’t suppress that. I speak my mind, but I try to do so in a somewhat dignified manner – I would never name and shame anyone.

….except perhaps that arsehole Ben who cheated on me when we dated at college – BEN, YOU’RE A DOUCHE AND I HOPE YOU ENDED UP WITH A SEVERE CASE OF HERPES YOU BIG MAN SLAG!

If I write about personal things or people in my life I use nicknames, meaning that no one can be identified. People may recognise themselves, but no one else in the wider sense would. And when I’ve written articles that may be of a more sensitive nature, I don’t slap the link on the likes of Facebook and Twitter, even though I’m always prepared to stick by my words. It’s just that sometimes I don’t slap those words in people’s faces.

……on that note, let me save you some time, I don’t use Twitter, but if you find me so intriguing I’ll set up an account just for you so you can follow me if you’d like to. Just scrap this cloak and dagger stuff, OK? I promise to tweet every single day if this enriches your life. Really, I do.

Poppy. I know that some things bring out the worst in us. And I know that there’s always more to it than what meets the eye. I’m not stupid. I’m too outspoken and I don’t hold back when I have an opinion – being a writer, this does mean that I sometimes end up writing articles and blog posts that have too much chilli for everyone’s taste. And some of my views are controversial to some people. But I’m not stupid and as I said before – I own my shit, even though it doesn’t always smell of roses.

You’ll never find me hiding behind an alias like that. I may not put my full name (on here I’ve chosen to put ‘Anna J’), but I’d never dream of going after people behind a false name. I know – regardless of what you might think – that you are in all likelihood a good person who is doing what you believe is right. We’re different that’s all, and therefore I do find some stuff a little, uhm, surprising, but each to their own. So I might find some of the things you do a little crazy, but hey. The world would be boring if everyone had morals.

First, when you scared the living daylights out of me, my knee jerk reaction was to take down my morning pages blog (yeah, I know you were there too, using a snazzy little tool called web stats) and I nearly deleted all my articles here on WMW for the sole reason that I felt violated.

Then I reconsidered. I’m not fucking hiding! I’m not like you – I may express my opinion in a harsh and direct manner, but I take responsibility for what I say and do. It’s called being an adult. Therefore, I don’t need to hide. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea and I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my time, but I own those mistakes and I stand by my views. I’m happy to be challenged, of course, and I have enough balls to hold my hands up, apologise and admit I was a bit of a fuckwit when I have been (plenty!).

I’m right here, Poppy-gal, and if you want to communicate with me you are more than welcome, I will always make time for you, I promise. But you grow a backbone and develop some integrity, and you approach me woman to woman on honest terms.

And “Poppy”, again – genius. Sounds fluffy and cute and I’m sure she is. I would have expected a more suitable mafia name for you though, like Black Mamba or something similarly Tarantinoesque to match your vicious text messages saying “you’re fucked” (I mean, it’s something you read and you can almost hear the hissing, so I would have gone with the snake theme). Then again, a cute name is scarier, so hats off to you.

I believe you have my e-mail address. After trolling me I have no doubt you know my bra size too (yes, I have big knockers), along with the exact time I was born and how much I weighed, but I won’t hold that against you, we all need a hobby.

Now, now – don’t be like that! I’m not angry. Still a little jumpy, I have to admit, but I could have had a really dull Tuesday if it hadn’t been for you. It’s the first time I have used all three locks on our door and had that scene from Hitchcock’s Psycho in my head when I was showering. Afterwards, and all evening, I felt all energised as a result, possibly still due to some extra fear induced adrenaline, but what doesn’t kill you and all that.

Seriously – I’m right here and I will welcome you with kindness, despite all the chilli I’ve used in this article. I’m sorry, but after pulling stunts like this, you’ll have to accept you have a few jibes coming. The joke’s on you, but you created that situation my dear. But yes, as I once told you, if there’s anything you’d like to know or feel worried about, just shout. I’m not here to shoot you down, in fact, I had your back for a long time. Then came the stealing and the threats and it became a little harder to be sympathetic, but you know, I try my best and I don’t in any way hate you and I’d be happy to talk to you or exchange e-mails any time. All I ask is that you ditch the games and approach me on open and honest terms.

Take care now. And please don’t kill me when I’m in the shower.




I know that there are cyber trolls and stalkers of a much more sinister variety, and I am not trying to make light of that – that’s something very serious and something that can cause serious upset and damage. The above is my “fluffy” experience, which albeit a bit unpleasant (being lured into communication not knowing that the person behind an unfamiliar name is in fact someone in your vicinity – I did find that quite scary), and now that I’m past freaking out, yes, I’m making fun of it. But I’m making fun of this one, little episode and I’m not in any way trying to make out that having a stalker is flattering, despite my sarcastic comments above. And Poppy isn’t a sinister stalker, just a misguided little troll who didn’t know any better just then. 


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