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Love Lab


The unspoken desire

The topic of female sexuality can often lead to discussion of casual sex coming up time and time again. After all if it is alright for a man to do it then why not a woman? We all suffer from the same bodily urges, and the need for physical intimacy is not something to be ashamed of or pushed to the back of your mind. Stand proud and know that you can embrace your sexuality to its full wonderful extent.  I am one of those women proud to stand up and embrace my sexuality and the needs that come with a human body; but I am no fool to just throw my body around to anything that will take it.

While at university (the place where most sexual experimentation takes place) I found myself, no found is not right, more like gave myself the opportunity to partake in casual sex however it was never with more than one person. I feel myself fortunate to have found a friend that grew to friends with benefits before simply returning back to friends once again. I understand that some do not end this way and there can be many complications; sex is never just sex there is always some form of feelings.  Casual sex can be a good thing, when you want the physical intimacy without all the relationship commitment and problems. However, there are a few things to remember to make casual sex perfect for your needs.

Like a virgin
This, at least to me, is one of the most important lessons when it comes to casual sex, if you are still a virgin do not throw it away on a one night stand. Of course casual sex can be a good way to gain experience between the sheets but when you have no experience to start with it can end up complicating the situation. It is often known that being with someone for your first time can bring forth emotions towards that person or even just within yourself that you did not know was there to begin with. It does not mean that your first time has to be perfect (no doubt it won’t be) but that does not mean that you should have a one-night stand with a stranger just to get it over with.

Wrap it, right.
Casual sex is completely different to a committed relationship; that is clear to see. So protect yourself in every way you can. For us women that comes in many different forms everything from the pill to an implant (maximum protection can take some time) and for men there is of course condoms. Some will think that it’s a man’s job to provide the condoms when it comes to sex but this could not be further from the truth; why hope with your fingers crossed that he has the protection you need when you can carry it yourself. This leads me onto another important point, don’t be shy when talking about protection. So many places will give out free condoms, from clinics and Planned Parenthood to even being handed out upon university campus’ so don’t be afraid to take what you will need to stay safe. But being comfortable talking about condoms does not only apply to getting them into your hands it also comes into play before you actually have sex.  Do not be afraid to say “can you put this on please or leave?” it doesn’t make things weird or uncomfortable it makes you a smart person for saying something. Don’t be afraid and falling into having unprotected sex because you just won’t speak up.

In control of your inhibitions
You are always told to drink responsibly, and nothing truer has been said when drinking and casual sex combine. We all know that you lose your inhibitions when alcohol slips into your body and makes everything seem like a great idea. Dancing down the street, singing at the top of your lungs is one of my favourites. Drinking can no doubt make us do things we will only regret the next morning and sex should not be one of them, if you cannot walk in a straight line or even control all your bodily functions what makes you think that you can have safe sex with the right person.  As brave as it might make you feel, lots of alcohol and sex do not mix. When you are out and you do get swept away by a one-night stand, always ask yourself where are you going? Don’t worry if you didn’t clean your room, no doubt you won’t notice it in the passionate moments; bring them back to yours, then you can control the environment and will feel much more secure to call things off if you don’t feel comfortable with the circumstances. Don’t forget to keep those out with you (no doubt searching for you) in the loop, a simple text letting them know where you are will do.

Finding the perfect one
When looking for a causal fling or a simple one-night stand it is common that you are not searching for your soul-mate on every night out but that does not mean you should just settle for anyone that is of the right sex. First of all you have to ask yourself, what do you know about them? Any mutual friends, do you know anyone that they will have slept with before? Of course it’s not a deal breaker but could be uncomfortable to find out after the fact something important (a new friends past lover).  Take a little time, doesn’t have to be like doing an essay, and do some research on whom you are sharing your bed and body with. It’s always good to see how he reacts to you, you don’t have to give yourself to everyone that is nice to you and you defiantly do not give yourself to someone in the hopes that they will be nice to you after.  Be picky, it’s your body and you only have one.

Just what you are looking for
Be sure to know what you want, and that you are looking for it in the right places.  Do you want something more with this person, a relationship or at least a shot at it? If you have any thoughts on wanting to take the possible one-night stand further, or even create a deeper friendship it is probably best not to add sex to the equation right away. Friends with benefits can often end up complicated and confusing if you already have romantic feelings towards the person, it can be heartbreaking to watch them date or even look at other people sometimes. Often casual sex can keep you away from what you really want, the relationship. Don’t just follow the crowd, just because everyone around you is living the casual sex life (which there is no shame in) does not mean you have to, don’t be afraid to stand out and admit it’s just not for you before you do something you regret. Rebound sex can sometimes do more harm than good; having sex simply because you are upset about someone else turns casual sex into something much more complicated. Casual sex, is without or with little emotion, rebound sex is completely the opposite, so full of emotion it can be painful. Think about what you want from your sexual encounters and make sure they are suited just for you.

Casual sex doesn’t need to be over complicated, embrace the sexuality within and have a little fun in your life. With some simple thoughts it can become one of the better experiences within your life, don’t end up looking back with regrets of your wild times, look back with a smile knowing you lived and found just what you needed at the time. Casual sex is not something forbidden and only spoken about in hushed tones, done right it can be a good way to learn more about yourself and experience new things.


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