As I have been telling a lot of people, I have very much struggled to find the inspiration to write my second article. Some call it writers block, but I thoroughly believe that I have to be in a happy and settled place in my life for me to be able to write. Some people are different; they may need to be going through nothing short of hell before they can put pen to paper (or hand to keyboard, whatever), but for me, happiness is the key.
Now, I’m not saying that I have been unhappy in my life recently, because I definitely haven’t. I have completed my second year at university with a 2:1 (for anyone who doesn’t know or understand marks, this is where you need to be at), which was a surprise to me as I really struggled with this last semester. The work was keeping me up at night and the stress was actually causing worry for my parents. My Easter break was basically spent crying and skipping meals. But, I passed anyway! And for the first time, in a long time, I felt like I really did have the ability to do anything if I put my mind to it.
I was also lucky enough to become an auntie in March to a beautiful baby boy named Myles. Okay, so I’m not biologically his auntie as I’m an only child/spoilt brat (whichever one you think fits) but his mum and I have grown up together and he’s the closest thing I’m going to have… so I’m now Auntie El! And for someone who scowls at children who make even a glimmer of noise, he’s made me really fucking broody! This boy has actually made me feel so much love, more than I ever thought possible. And right now, he’s basically the best person in the world.
A new job was also offered to me in April and I’m very blessed to be happy in the work I do! Though it’s just a little café on the seafront, I very much like the position and for the first time EVER, I’m not dreading going to work every day, which is so important. I haven’t had the best experience with jobs in the past, so this is a change for me. But I can honestly say that this job has been an honor to do, despite the occasional ‘customer who is always right’, WHO MOST DEFINITELY IS NOT RIGHT.
With all of this going on in my life and with me in a pretty good place, I still wondered why I wasn’t able to write. I’ve spent hours staring at a blank screen unable to string a sentence together aside from ‘I suck’, which, by the way, I typed out in 46 different fonts… I know, I know, you’re impressed. I’d made the decision to just give up for a while. Anyone who has a hobby will know that it doesn’t always come easy and sometimes pushing it just makes it worse. So, I left it.
It was soon enough the weekend of my cousins wedding, which I’m still sure was over a year away? WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? I had an absolutely glorious weekend! I travelled down south and spent the weekend with my family and of course I watched my older cousin, the girl who used to give me piggy backs into the bathroom screaming ‘bogie room’ and who takes the piss out of my broad Yorkshire accent, marry her teenage sweetheart… and he has been an absolute blessing into our family.
That weekend changed a lot of things for my cousin but surprisingly, for me too. Of course, there is always someone at a wedding who catches your eye. You spend your entire day making sure you look okay and slyly glimpsing over to see what they’re doing, but naturally if anyone asked you if you knew who he is, you shake your head and reply ‘who? Sorry, I didn’t realise there even was a best man (the key is to never blow your cover, ladies). So, this wedding, just like any other, had one of those people. And my god, it was a good view.
Climbing into bed that night it was a shame that we hadn’t spoken or exchanged drunken words of adoration and compliments… but what did it matter? I would never see him again. Aside from maybe the christenings of my cousins babies but I would already be married with two kids by then… obviously. So with that in mind, I retuned up t’north and continued with my pretty good life.
So no one was more shocked than me when I began to feel inspiration hit… and I began to want to write again. Had this one person, this wedding crush of mine who I hadn’t even exchanged a single word with, given me the inspiration to write? Surely not. But I went ahead and wrote anyway.
I’m going to cut this long story short and say that what I wrote was a pile of SHIT and it was deleted the next day. Some rubbish about everyone being at a crossroads and you have to decide whether you want to take left or right or… upwards? I don’t really care which way you go, just make sure you bloody indicate. And yet, here you are, reading my next article. And this is because the best man is now my best man. And my god, he has inspired me. To write, to trust, to be happy and overall… to believe in myself the way he seems to. It’s been two and a half weeks and we’re stood at the beginning of an adventure that could prove to be the best days of our lives, or the worst. Either way, all you writers out there will know, that I HAD to write about this person. This one soul on a planet full of billions who has made a big enough footprint on my life that it’s made me want to write again. And I couldn’t thank him enough.
Inspiration to say things, to write things, to make music, to stand out in the pouring rain holding protest signs, to move to another country, to hold your hands up and admit defeat… it all comes down to you and your life. You are your biggest critic and your biggest fan. But it doesn’t hurt to have a little help along the way.
So, girls, if you’re struggling to write for whatever reason… if you’re stuck with that awful block with absolutely no idea how you’re so empty with nothing to say… don’t stress. Don’t worry about it. Just come back to it, because inspiration will hit you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it. Just like he did for me.