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New life

Start again.

Let’s clear something up. I have many crazy, outthere stories. Stories which really occurred. No fiction, no lies but, I do realise they are interpreted as such! I used to think, when younger, scoff and think, “Let them! Ordinary people!” and then continue. I now realise, no matter who the individuals or people are they more than likely, do not believe it! (While writing that last sentence, I smiled, because as now I see what they see and yip, most of them (stories) are nuts and not believable. If roles were reversed, I would think the same way!)

But they happened!

I was at a writer’s meeting a few nights ago and in the final portion ended up telling a story (I know, annoying but, I can’t help myself! They just bubble out!), and when I returned home realised, and had a brief chuckle that my story was another crazy one, and realised all my stories were! None were normal, and there are so many! I then also realised, my life for the past 15 years has been so normal. Not at all exciting, or a hint of the extraordinary. Ho-hum, just an every day, filled with ordinary memories, or none at all – for months!

Some, not understanding, said I lived in the past. What nonsense! I lived a colourful life (when adult), met and was involved with many questionable characters. Had a major life altering experience. Lived through it and continued creating memorable memories. Did many crazy things, which most will not even attempt. They are my memories. Some not so good but, the majority are GREAT, and I love all of them. I learnt a lot from most of them (all of the bad ones, though).

They happened. They were. They are. At least I have them. I am grateful for living a life which produced these memories. There is a problem with that though, as said, my life has been Bleugh! Boring for the last 15 years because, I compare it to that one. I shouldn’t but, I do. Why? Why am I now living like this? I made it so, but, now I am so very sick of it! I want to break out of it. That seed was sown only a few months ago. When I was ready. So yes, I am changing it. Not back to that crazy life but, back to a more interesting one!

Will I succeed? If I push and push and push myself, I will. Very optimistic answer but, I do hope so. I will only know if I try. I am tired of others attempting to change things, for me. That will never work. When people are ready to accept a change, they do exactly that and embrace all things then. Time is far more powerful. So many people have done just that. Changed their life for the better. The few types I met quite recently, are part of that change (including Women make waves). I realised I was still the same; I must change. I do not change my beliefs, morals etc. and my character remains the same but, to ensure my life changes; I have to ensure how I do things changes as well. Make sense? That is how I feel, don’t know if that is right but, never tried it before so let’s see if it makes a difference!

I also am attempting a new venture. Will it be a success or failure? Contrary to what most believe, I have never failed as I have never tried anything until now? So who knows? Of course, I intend it to be successful. One or two people did try to get me going with something (no costs incurred), not at all similar to the one I am trying, good of them really did not want it though. Strongly so but, obviously not that strong. None the less, I let them go, not in a particularly good way. One of them more than the other but, there were negative circumstances involved. Did not need that. So what I don’t need, I let go. Didn’t even try to get it going. Once upon a time, I realised, perhaps I did try, once before?

A long time ago, an older boyfriend gave me some money to start a basic lingerie business. He was a partner in a diamond mine – ha! I never ever received a diamond but never expected one as believe it or not, I never wanted one. I digress, anyway, I had my pick of crystals – so my plan was to add the simple crystal to an item. Bought beautiful rolls of silks, satins and jacquard silks. Beautiful stuff. Had a friend (who was a seamstress) make the “props”. Didn’t even complete it. One day, grew totally bored (I was 21 years then), and gave it away. Wanted it no longer. Was that failure? Actually? Don’t know. I must have driven that boyfriend nuts!

You see, that is my downfall. I get bored super easily! BUT, this keeps my mind busy all the time. Not even close to bored and then again, I am quite a bit older! So at 43, a month or so away from 44, here goes.

By the way, will post some of my memories.

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