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She ain’t no lady!

What kind of woman are you? I once read a humorous book by male author Mark Mason called ‘What men think about sex’. In the opening chapter the narrating character describes his definitions of the different kinds of women as follows;

Pretty. Pretty is a fresh face, bright eyes, soft hair, an innocence that perhaps you fancy, perhaps you don’t. Pretty is Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Good-Looking. Good-looking differs from pretty in that you have to fancy good looking. Now we’ve moved on to the sexual rather than the merely aesthetic. Good-looking is pretty plus you want to take them to bed.

Horny. Horny is not necessarily good looking. In fact, the best sort of horny is not conventionally good-looking, because horny is you just want to take them to bed, whether or not they’re good –looking, and if they’re not good-looking the wanting to take them to bed has the added value of mystery. Sigourney Weaver is horny.

Sexy. Sexy is difficult, and maybe that’s why it’s so wonderful. The best looking girl in the world can stop being sexy the moment she says her first words to you, if they are words that fail to interest you.

As I read it I felt myself become increasingly conflicted. The better half of me wanted to be pretty. You know, to have the amazing ‘girl next door’ look that means other women will still befriend you and men will eventually want to marry you (that’s once they have got all those ‘horny’ sluts out of their system). But the more carnal side of me was secretly hoping men thought of me as sexy. That I could pull of that instant attraction, whilst at the same time wowing them with scintillating conversation and witty banter.

So I now want to know what kind of lady are you? Or even what do you aspire to be? Is it wrong to want that wolf whistle from the builders, or that look of envy from other women as you step onto the dance floor? Perhaps I am completely on the wrong page here and should be hoping that men think of me as intelligent, independent and blah, blah, blah. Nope, let’s stick to how men really think shall we. Go on then, add you comments below, what kind of woman are you?

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