I love the clit, but it’s a complicated bugger. I mastered the whole getting myself off thing when I was six, so when it came time to get another girl off I figured it would be easy peasy breezy.
Boy was I wrong. I whammed and I bammed but there was no thank you ma’am. The clitoris turned out to be as complicated as my guy friends had said it was. I soon realized that, while I can brush my own teeth, I need practice if I’m going to successfully brush other people’s teeth.
Girl On The Net
The first time I saw a circumcised dick I froze in fear. Not because it looked weird (although for the record: it did. Don’t judge me) but because I didn’t have a sodding clue what to do with it.
I’d been with number 1 for a year – the teenage equivalent of a diamond wedding anniversary. I’d seen a few other cocks before, and touched some, but I’d never had the hand job tuition that a one-on-one relationship gives you.
After a few months of awkward fumbling and overly-excited teenage sex, I’d asked number 1 for some tips on how to get him off with my hands. At 16 all I ever wanted was to play in a million different ways, and I liked the thought of dragging him away from our friends every now and then so I could squeeze his cock in the toilets, or the kitchen or (as was traditional at the time) in someone’s parents’ bedroom.
So he taught me. And what he taught me was that the most important thing about a hand job is that the foreskin should go back and forth over the head. Rubbing his shaft, cupping his balls, biting the side of his neck or whispering ‘fuck, you’re so hard’ as I squeezed it – all just filler. The main event, top of the bill, what he’d bought his fucking ticket for, was the back-and-forth motion of the foreskin against the head.
How do you do that with a circumcised cock? Obviously the answer is that you don’t. You don’t. Adult me knows there are ways to deal with circumcision and hand jobs. You can spit on his dick, you can work the shaft in exactly the specific way that he likes it, you can use lube.
(Girls often carry small pots of Vaseline around with them to guard against chapped lips. I carry a few extra pots in case I should ever meet a circumcised boy.)
But teen me hadn’t a clue. When confronted with a boy whose cock was more naked than number 1′s, I just held it in my hand and hoped he’d start thrusting or something, so I knew how he liked it. I kissed him, and I squeezed, and he panted, and started leaking precome onto the tips of my fingers, but still I didn’t quite get it. I was … rubbish. That boy, the first ever circumcised one, only ever got blowjobs.
Fetish Friday..Living with a vanilla partner when you’re hopelessly kinky
Now that I’ve delivered that earworm, let’s tackle an important topic. Being in a relationship with, and/or living with someone who is vanilla when you’re a kinkster. If you need some element of BDSM to get your kicks in your sex life, living with someone for whom these activities are either distasteful or simply don’t feature in their minds can be hard work, frustrating and upsetting. For everyone involved.
I’m going to tell you now that I don’t have a solution to this issue. There’s no magic spell I’ve discovered to make it any easier or make the problem go away. I’ve been in the same boat though, quite a few times, so I can completely empathise with people who find themselves in this situation.
None of my previous long term partners identified as kinky. Some were quite staunchly vanilla. I class myself as a ‘Fetishsexual’ – I discovered this phrase recently and I love it – and I simply need some element of control, power exchange or roleplay at least in order to feel satisfied both in a relationship and during sex. Living with someone who is either 100% vanilla or just wouldn’t even consider an alternate to pleasure and sex was extremely frustrating. Throughout those times it was a clear choice I was making; I wanted to be with that person more than I needed my kink needs met.
Ultimately though BDSM is a need for me, and like most things we need in life it eventually surfaced and wouldn’t go away. I might have tied a millstone round my ‘personal kink needs’ neck and tossed it into the sea, but frustration eroded the rope and it bobbed to the surface. The relationships where I lived with a vanilla finished and looking back, I realise that had I carried on being in a relationship with someone vanilla, I would have lived a very unhappy life. You can’t help who you fall in love with and it’s very easy when you’re not in a specific situation to state that someone shouldn’t be with somebody else. There’s emotions and circumstances in a relationship that go beyond feeling like you need some bondage, or orgasm control, or ball kicking, or ageplay or whatever your particular needs are.
I know what female ejaculation looks like. I’ve seen Cytherea’s videos. I’ve never seen a real-life “squirt”, but then again, there are other ways of experiencing orgasm and I’m quite adept at identifying one. I’ve talked before about the “spreading” sensation that I’ve felt while giving oral sex and knowing what that is, and often there’s a vocal cue (there certainly is with my current girlfriend!) which identifies the start (and continuation) of an orgasm too. But yeah, I know what a squirt looks like.
I also know what it’s like to incite orgasms through giving oral sex. TD didn’t even like to have sex until I’d licked her to orgasm at least once first. Rebecca kind of liked it, Catherine couldn’t stop once I’d started, and snowdrop almost shot me in the face with the tampon she was wearing.
So with that delightful image in your mind…
The image I had yesterday evening was incredibly vivid and it combined the two above elements (as if you hadn’t guessed by now). It was in the first person and I was giving a girl oral sex to orgasm. The orgasm itself was certainly a full squirt. It just, you know, wasn’t meant to be quite so full.
Because it went everywhere.
I was drenched, the bed was sodden, there were bits on the carpet… on the walls… on the ceiling. I remember my dream-self almost cessating sexual activity entirely in order to go and find a cloth from somewhere. (Almost. I had sex with the girl afterwads and her vagina was certainly wet enough.) I’d certainly like to elicit a squirt some day, but perhaps not Hydro Pump…
…so why did I have that image?
I don’t know. But it certainly got me thinking…
…do any of you squirt?
The Sad(istic) Clown Diaries
I’ve been having some interesting experiences now that I am out on my own as an Independent Dominatrix trying to collect a niche clientele. A few weeks ago I was contacted by a friend of a friend who was looking to be Dommed for the first time by a pro. The person who reached out to me is an attractive young man, younger than I at least, whose initial desire was to be fucked in the ass with a strap-on by me. I had to explain to him that I don’t generally do strap-on penetration with clients because it feels too much like actual sex to me and I don’t enjoy performing hardcore sex acts for money. It isn’t that I have some moral objection to prostitution, in fact quite the opposite, I have a lot of respect for that line of sex work when performed by consenting adults (pimp-free) and know quite a few working girls/boys. It just doesn’t work for me. Not my thing. I’ve tried it, the strap-on Domme play bit, and I’ve found that I do not enjoy it with strangers that I’m not actually physically attracted to.
D/s strap-on play is a really common activity within the BDSM community and I recognize its importance as a power exchange activity. But one of the problems I have with fucking a heterosexual man in the ass as the “ultimate submission” is that the idea of being penetrated like a woman (within this context) is the most degrading, submissive thing he can do. That’s not ALWAYS the way a male sub feels about this particular act of submission, but often times it is. It bothers me. Much like dressing a man up in half-assed drag and then humiliating him by calling him a “slut” and a “sissy” bothers me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with or degrading about being a bio woman, a trans woman or a man who enjoys dressing as a woman sometimes. I am sensitive to these particular branches of fetish role-playing and choose for the most part not to partake. I don’t judge the people who get off on this sort of thing, I just don’t usually get down with it.
WMW’s….. any other fabulous blogs that iv’e not come across yet???? post the site!!