Some women are born selfish and some learn the ropes through life, either way a selfish woman is not what society expects from the female of the species.
I married a selfish woman four years ago, I can’t complain really as I knew she was selfish when I met her. We used to row constantly about her lack of motivation to roll over and be more ‘considerate’ until I realised that I would not sway her desire to be selfish!
She is a writer these days and a pretty good one too if you ask me. Her current issue is not having the required time to write as much as she wants. I work full time and she stays at home, perfecting her art. People often comment on how she is lucky to be a ‘kept woman’ – I think she doesn’t see herself in that vein at all!
I mentioned that we used to row about her selfishness and that this came to a halt when I began questioning whether she really is selfish or in fact just motivated. You see, a woman that wants success and works for it doesn’t seem to attract the kudos of her male counterpart. My wife wants success and is willing to work for it. My wife is talented enough to achieve success, so why shouldn’t she be motivated (selfish)?
I also realised that her ‘selfishness’ actually encompasses all that she loves and that I am someone she loves – as our our two children. She is absolutely selfish/motivated when it comes to us. She won’t go to bed without knowing she has done all she can to make us happy. She spends her days longing to write more and instead does the little things that we all take for granted and generally ignore. She doesn’t complain about the way we take her for granted and expect her to be there. She only ever tells me she’d like to be able to write more (and I thought she was selfish).
What really gets to me about my wife and the millions of women around the world like her, is the battle they face in a world that wants them to roll over and serve. I can only work full time and be successful with her at home doing what she does and forfeiting her own desire to be out there writing. My children wouldn’t be a shadow of the amazing people they are without her constant love and guidance. What I don’t understand is how we continue to let these women down – how we don’t encourage them to succeed as it doesn’t fit with our own desires and comforts. What is worse is that as a woman myself, I have become part of the patriarchal group that enjoys being looked after without considering how my better half feels about it!
I am writing this as a proclamation that I will stop following the crowd and start listening. Instead of moaning on a Friday that I have to iron a dress for work because home has been manic all week I will find time on the Thursday for her to write, to lock herself in her head and share the genius I know that is inside her with the world. Not only this but I will fix time for her to work every day, because that is one very small way of showing her that I do not define her as a ‘kept woman’, she’s my team!
I’m sure there are selfish women out there, but in my life it seems my wife isn’t the selfish one, but me. I hope that motivated women don’t roll over under the auspices of selfishness and instead share their valuable gifts with the world!