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In search of happiness – part 2

So this is my second blog post. I started this to document my journey on the road to recovery from what is at the moment a dark and isolated place. It’s hard to imagine or think about a time where thinking about food and exercise didn’t consume every waking moment of my day. It’s hard to think about a time where going out for dinner wasn’t filled with an automatic dread and need to search frantically online to find the menu.

How do you explain what is going on the inner turmoil to your closest family and friends? It seems like that’s what you should be able to do with the people closest to you. But with this you are entirely alone. Wrapped up in this warped world of confusion, rules and restrictions.

It becomes a compulsive obsessive need to control food and exercise when everything else in your life starts spiralling out of control. At speed. I think everyone has their own addictions. Whether it be alcohol, smoking, food. Some kind of escapism. For some it is easy to keep these addictions under control. To appear that your coping.

So as I’m writing this it’s putting the inner turmoil out there. No safety net. No hiding behind the curtain. It’s to try and convince myself that I am on the road to recovery. But at the moment I’m lost. I don’t know which road is the road to recovery. Standing at the end of the crossroads. Not sure which way to turn.

Yesterday was the rice cake. Eating a crisp small round rice cake with homemade soup. It’s just one small achievement but a step in the right direction. I’m going to set small goals. Take baby steps.

I hope this will encourage others to think about their own achievements. To think about each day what could I do to make a small change that could make a huge difference. What would I like to achieve by the end of the week? Please share your goals. What small goal are you setting yourself to achieve by the end of the week?

I want to be able to start introducing new foods into my diet. Foods that I have deprived my body of for too long. But it seems like such a mammoth task. Taking small steps. So this week is the week of the rice cake. Please join me. What are you going to promise yourself to achieve this week? The smaller the better.

happy

Stay strong out there.

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