A network for women by women



Have Your Say: marriage

They say that getting married is one of the best days in a woman’s life. As a young girl you dream of walking down the aisle with the perfect man, wearing the perfect dress and having a perfect three-tier wedding cake but in reality, marriage isn’t always the fairy tale you believe it to be.  Half of marriages end in divorce. Well, that’s what some statistics say but I’m not sure how reliable this is.

Many things have changed in the last decade and I believe the authenticity of marriage is one of them. It just doesn’t have the same meaning that it once did. I think that people don’t take it seriously any more, it’s supposed to be a life time commitment and yet it hardly ever is. I know there is a religious connotation to marriage but you don’t have to be religious to commit to one person for the rest of our life.

I love the idea of marriage. One day I hope to marry the man I love and celebrate the love we share with others. I wouldn’t want a big, fancy wedding with all of the trimmings; I would want a special and intimate day with my family and friends because that’s who the day is about, the couple. Sometimes people go too far with the wedding traditions and spend a large sum of money on a fancy wedding and get themselves into debt over one party, less is definitely more. Also, I believe that marriage doesn’t have to be a necessary step in your relationship. Marriage is just a piece of paper, a legal tie is made and rings are swapped but it shouldn’t be any different than living with each other.

I strongly believe that gay marriage should be legal everywhere. I don’t understand how someone could deny you the privilege to marry the one you love because of your gender. Gender is something that we are assigned with at birth, we have no choice in it and I believe that we don’t have a choice when it comes to falling in love either. A wedding is a time to celebrate and a time to be grateful for the person that we have found to spend the rest of our lives with.

Below are some opinions on marriage from my family and friends.

For me, marriage is highly problematic. We often look at it as a woman’s “big day”, something to celebrate. But, historically, it is the legal passing over of a woman from one man to the next, in which she us, in essence a piece of property. This is seen in the ceremony when a woman’s father walks her down the aisle “giving her away” and when the woman signs the marriage certificate (or contract). Modern focuses of the wedding don’t place as much focus on these aspects, but they are present, meaning that a heterosexual marriage is not equal. The lack of importance generally to the bride and groom of these, would suggest that a move away from the patriarchal influences on marriage would be welcomed and successful, after all, many couples marry to receive the legal protection/ security that is not present for non-married couples in this country, regardless of length of relationship – Kate Louise Frazer

I’m fine with marriage as long as it isn’t forced. It’s a display of love, commitment and legal ties being made and is about the feelings towards your partner, not money spent or having the flashiest things – Tasha Williams

I like the idea of marriage, but think it’s a bit silly when people spend thousands of pounds on one day. Yes I have my fairy tale wedding, but I don’t see the need for going over the top. I want our day to be special with friends and family and keep it simple. You want to show others how much you love the man you will spend the rest of your life with, not how much money I have. I feel that some people just want to show off and miss the whole purpose of the wedding. I also think the idea of same sex marriage is great, my brother is gay and I would love to see him marry the man he loves. Why should governments or laws stop them from being with someone that they love? – Raechel Holt.

It makes no difference if you are married or living together, over time a person’s true colours can be revealed. I don’t believe in spending lots of money for just one day, it’s about the two people, not anybody else. It doesn’t matter where you are; the day should be special for that particular couple – Beth Quinn

I think marriage is a very good idea because people can cement their relationship and lay down the foundations to create a family. I believe that you should be married before you have children and that before you even get married, you should live together, you need to know that the relationship will work before the concept of marriage is even brought up. I also believe that same sex marriage is a positive thing, as it is a step closer to equality – Declan James

I was married for twenty two years and then things fell apart. I think it is important for children to have married parents; however divorce is so common and acceptable. I think that we are still in a ‘marriage era’ but that may change in the next few decades – Kathleen Hiener Gemmell

As a young woman, I look to my parents as my role models. They have been together for 24 years and haven’t gotten married. I personally don’t think marriage is that important, I mean, yes it’s a wonderful day to show everyone how much you love that one person and to be committed to each other. My parents have been doing that every day for 24 years. And I think they are great role models for anyone – Jessica Dunn

Comment below with your opinions on marriage.


Leave a Reply