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Run away

I want to run away.

My life is exactly as it should be. It’s a normal, happy life. I have a job, a husband, a rental and of course, a cat. My parents are both alive and well and my brother is doing great. I have great friends and a nice family.

But I want to run away. I want to pack a bag, get on an airplane and fly across the ocean to an adventure. I want to go on my own and I want to explore the world I live in.

I wonder sometimes if we run from that kind of life subconsciously. We know it can’t be sustained so we settle for normalcy. We see it all the time in movies, books, tv and even music; people with extraordinary gifts, powers and lives who just want to be normal and all we normal people want is to be extraordinary. Why is that? Why can’t we have it both ways?

I think my urge to run away wouldn’t be so strong if I knew that at any moment I could, but I can’t as I have responsibilities, family and a job I worked hard for. I don’t have the money to sustain a lone adventure, but sometimes, those facts alone make me want to try even harder. I have such an urge to be gone and let go of all the responsibilities, hike to the top of a mountain, eat my way through exotic countries and even fall in love all over again. I think, if I didn’t know better, I would be the kind of person who would fleetingly jump from affair to affair, from country to country, looking for the kind of satisfaction http://www.mindanews.com/buy-accutane/ that I don’t really think is attainable.

I think about it all the time and I want to cry. I’m onto my third job in three years that doesn’t bring me any satisfaction other than the paycheck and even that I can’t enjoy yet because I’m saving every last penny for a house. I have a great husband but think I got married too young to enjoy that kind of life right now. I couldn’t care less about this apartment and this town; it’s a house and it serves its sheltering purpose but it’s not a home. I haven’t found that yet and that’s why I want to run away; I want to find my home, my life, my purpose!

Is it horrible that sometimes I wish bad things would happen to the people I love so I can feel that emptiness that forces a person to take the risks they never would have before? I already know the answer; it is horrible. It’s the life that this society we live in forces us to have. As kids we only want to be in our twenties and on our own. We get there only to realise it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and think maybe when we start a family we won’t feel that yearning for something more but I don’t think it ever goes away.

I don’t think humans are meant to feel that satisfaction. I have to accept my life and enjoy it as best I can but I don’t know if I’ll ever be truly happy. Content, yes, but truly happy and satisfied? It’s not human nature to be satisfied.

It is human nature to pursue it.

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