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My Potty Mouthed Toddler

Swearing’s cool!

During the Facebook onslaught that was the Ice Bucket Challenge, you may well have seen the video of the cute little girl who, upon receiving her bucket of icy water, articulately responds, “f’@$king hell”. I am ashamed to say I laughed out loud. I know it’s inappropriate, I know it’s not big, or clever, but damn if that wasn’t funny! There is something about a cute little kid with a mouth like a sailor that just cracks me up. I love the kid from the movie ‘Role Models’ when he casually drops the F bomb like it is part of his everyday vernacular.

Despite the delightful hilarity of cursing kids, when I had a child of my own, I had no intention of teaching him four letter words as I taught him his A, B, C. I have many dreams for my child, for him to swear and cuss is not one of them, however cool it might be. Yet it seemed language development had other plans.

More Cock Cock

Take for example during a recent wedding we attended. My two year old son, looking adorable in his shirt and tie, called out in an unfortunate pause during the speeches, “more cock cock, more cock cock”. The table collaboratively jeered, “Yeah, we know where he heard that before!”, whilst I shamefacedly muttered, “he means chocolate, more chocolate, honestly!” Oh dear, early speaking skills have a lot to answer for,

 Looking at the Big Dick

On a recent holiday to Portsmouth we spent the day trying to hush our son as he yelled, “big shit” everywhere we went. His intention was to refer to the “big ship” however he didn’t quite have the articulation skills to parallel his vocabulary. Again, amusing anecdote but not a great advert for a wholesome family day out. Other language slips include the eloquent “shit up” for “sit up”, always great when in a busy restaurant and “dick dick” for “click click” to indicate that his seat belt needs doing up.

Rude manners

So as my beloved little boy learns to talk, gaining more words to his vocabulary every day and chatting non-stop, be aware that if you come to my house you may well be offered “cock” “dick” and told to “shit” but all in the best mannered way!





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