My first article. Be kind its my first time.
When I was anorexic I thought I was fat. Now I am fat I know I should loose weight but that is more because they dont sell big peoples clothes in high-street shops. People looked at me when i was skinny and thought I looked good, little did they know I was dying slowly inside, making myself sick, self harming and living with an array of self loathing and eating nothing but bad food that wasn’t good for me. Now I am Fat.. Now I dont care. I am happy with who I am. I now do not loath myself, I no longer self harm. But people want me to, I am sure of it. They think I am gross, I know this as they have told me. When I was anorexic no one ever said ‘you need to put on weight’. When you are fat, people say ‘you need to loose weight. How strange are we?.
‘Being fat is dangerous’ said a man in the street. He wasn’t very slim himself. At a guess beer bellies do not count as fat. This man smoked like a trooper and scoffed down a bowl of chips. ‘It was more dangerous for me to be skinny’ I offered up. He snorted with laughter and walked away. How can you explain to a stranger that to be skinny, as skinny as I was. I lost the ability to have children when I lost weight. Sex become painful, my stomach shrunk and I had to be given food in liquid form, I was force fed salt. Oh yes wonderful it was to be that skinny.People assume if you are fat you must be lazy. I work hard. I walk miles, I do not drive. I eat good food, drink water and tea. I dont drink booze, eat fast food and microwave meals. Today I had chicken with new potato’s and home grown vegetables. My down fall is crisps and mint imperials not necessary together…mmm I wonder if that would work.
I hear friends say I wish I wasn’t fat. One girl in truth does my head in. Saying that in front of a fat person is the worse thing to say. This girl is skinny. really skinny. she is a fitness freak. I laugh. Yeah. I would say ‘I would hate to be fat’. Years ago I wrote a little story about a balloon and a pencil. The pencil moaned she was fat. The balloon wished so too. The pencil then said but you are fat balloon. The balloon smiled. Well being fat to you is being skinny. In that case I wish I was as fat as you.