A network for women by women



Friend; not you, never you

You are my ginger ninja, the yin to my yang, the bread to my cheese and the object of my metaphor. You are the person I trust most in this world. I’ll listen to you, when I won’t even listen to myself. Your advice has never failed me and your words always inspire me. You’ve been there since I was six and I’m surprised we didn’t meet earlier. I’m unsure how we got through those six years without each other. How did I walk around unaware of your existence? What did I even do with my time? I’m not actually sure what six year old’s do, but I know it would have been better with you. We were destined to meet, we are soul mates after all. I believe in love at first sight because I loved you before I understood what love was. You’ve been at every birthday, every milestone and every night out. I’ve talked to you every day since. You carried me when I couldn’t walk, you pushed me when I wouldn’t. When my pen was too heavy for me to pick up you were strong enough to lift it and place it between my fingers and thumb. What have I given you in return? I share with you my home. My parents. My bed. My wine. My food. My favourite films. My favourite songs. My ridiculous dance moves. Every holiday and every trip. I share with you everything I’ve learnt. Every joke I hear. Every laugh.

You bear with my every whim. Every time I try to be vegetarian, you pass the chicken when I always give up. You believe in me more than anyone else, tell me I can reach my dream, you search for contacts and call me when I run out of patience. You shout at me when I say I’m going to quit and become a teacher instead. I can rely on your opinion, on anything I write, anything I wear, and any guy I like. You are the person I write to when I can’t say it out loud, the person who ran to me when he left me on my own and pretended it was his fault and when it happened again, you didn’t say “I told you so.” You were there, once again, with wine and cake. You made me laugh, because, actually I think you might be the funniest person I’ve ever met. I hold grudges for you and hate men I didn’t meet. If I could change one thing, I’d fall in love less and make you fall in love more. No one else can make me smile when I’m too sad to get out of bed, order nolvadex no prescription when I get that headache in my eyebrow and you can see it on my face before I really feel it.

I’m not sure how we turned out so cool. We drove across America! Like who else has done that outside Top Gear? We’re grownups now and I can’t get used to it. We have bills and degrees and they let us drive cars! We met that man with the dog and the gun and you talked him down! You ran towards the fight to save a life. When I find out something about you I didn’t know, I’m surprised, but I have to hear it to the end. I’m so excited to learn something new about what made you, you. We grew up, grew old and grew bitter and made the best of the little we had. We actually thought we had quite a lot. You got smart and I got stuck, now we’re back and you’re starting again. I’m back where I started, but you’ve inspired me to pursue my dream. You’ve convinced me I’m good and that I will be great. That all that’s left now; chances and opportunities to take. You, you will always be fine. No matter how many mistakes you face, or people bringing you down, you get up, brush off the dust they left on your feet and move on. You move on to the bigger and better, the brighter and shinier. You fit in everywhere you go; in hostels, in clubs, in church, with the rich and young, the poor and the old. They just don’t make people like you anymore. Or bonds like this.

We’ve had our troubles, more than our fair share. When we were twelve I thought we were done. I didn’t know you were upset, that you were down and you didn’t know how to say. When you knocked at my door, I let you in and I didn’t let you leave. You didn’t want to. When my Dad was unwell, you picked him up and calmed me down. You let my tears fall into your hands and now you’re leaving. I’m not jealous, I could never be jealous of you. Only proud and sad. We’re made the same stuff, you and I. So you see, I’m losing my other half of me. Half of my laugh and half of my home, but you’ll get a new computer, we’ll skype once a week, phone once a day and write once a month. Text continuously. It’ll be like you never left. We’ll have our day again soon. I’m not letting you go, I can’t. Not you, my ninja, my yin, my cheese. Not you, never you.


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