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A Mother’s Sorrow….

Her heart broke as she listened to her best friend cry while trying to explain to her what just happened to her.

Police called to a scene at a costume store where a young lady is shopping for her children’s costumes as Halloween was fast approaching. Two girls and a boy; the boy being the middle child. Well, as stated, she’s inside and they are in front of the store playing quietly. She’s only been in the store for 3 to 5 minutes when all of a sudden she’s approached by an older woman informing her that her oldest daughter is beating her younger sister. Shock and confusion forces her to walk outside to check on her children. But, immediately, the police accost her and tell her that they were called to stop a beating between her daughters. After much discussion and not really understanding, she is later placed in handcuffs and driven to the police station with all three of her kids in the car with her. Once at the station, she is told that she is released and can leave; the police wasn’t charging her with any crime. The whole pony show was for the benefit of the crowd; to appease them and having them think that the mother was going to be arrested for children neglect and/or child endangerment.

So, although the crowd got what they wanted and the police got what they wanted, did no one think about the kids and their mother at the heart of this situation? They are the victims. Firstly (the children to witness their mother being handcuffed and talked to without respect by what they thought were the good guys: the police). Then there is the mother. The humiliation, degradation, and betrayal that she felt all at once. The humiliation of being questioned so harshly as if she wasn’t a grown woman that should be treated with respect; the degradation of being cuffed in front of her kids and being taken to jail (a threat to her motherhood in more ways than one); and finally, the betrayal that stemmed from the referral that was made by an older woman in the age group that she would normally consider a grandmother.

Furthermore, there were a total of three women standing outside who had witnessed the mother arrive at the store with her children as well as enter it (including the instructions she had given to her children to be good and the oldest to look out for the younger ones). When we were children, the neighborhood helped in raising the young ones. So, the fact that this woman did not have the decency to come into the store and tell her about her kids boggles me. I ask myself why the lady chose to call the police instead. I would think that if she felt the need to get involved by calling the police, why not try and talk to the mother first before doing so. WHY? WHY? WHY? AND WHY? Is the world getting so bad that we don’t offer assistance anymore or something so simple as to say “Miss, I believe your children are outside fighting”? I mean, how many siblings don’t fight and argue with each other? That is the norm, not the exception.

Then there’s a mother who is crying in her heart because she is constantly worried about her youngest son. She cries again for the worry she have for her oldest son. The youngest get caught up in drugs and drinking with a group of kids whom he thought were his friends. The oldest tries to maintain a sense of normalcy by working every day. The pent up emotions that they both keep close to their vests is becoming harder and harder to witness. One’s emotions stem from not being able to reach his brother emotionally; to get him to wake up and recognize his mistakes and move forward in a positive manner. The other’s emotions stems from a heightened ego with the need to be the center of attention and acceptance.

What of the mother who watches over her two grandchildren because their mother goes in and out of their lives constantly. The crack calls to her daughter and her daughter can’t seem to break the hold it has on her. The mother worries if her daughter will make it home again or not. And, she’s terrified that she might not. If only she had not met that awful man who turned her onto that poison, she would be the wonderful mother that she truly is. For when her daughter is lucid and working and taking care of her grandchildren, she is wonderful to be around and makes life that much more meaningful.

They say that your child is on your lap when they are small and they are on your heart when they get older. And never has this been truer than this.

A mother’s love is as deeply bound as that of a tree root that is entrenched with the deep rich soils of the grounds it grows from. The many branches represent the many blood vessels that flows throughout our bodies thereby, a direct connection that we naturally have towards our children. I mean that is the beauty of motherhood, right; giving birth. Our human instinct is to gather our little ones close to our chest and hold them there until it is safe to release them. And, when we do, we pray that they remain safe. And, when they run into trouble it crushes our heart little by little, cutting of our blood supply that runs in our veins. Until eventually, we are left with a shell in our heart that our children hold. Some women are blessed enough to have their children outlive them and then there are those that aren’t.

By no means am I taking away from the pain that a father feels for his children in these situations; they do. I am only touching on the pain of mothers. Many times we feel that we are the only ones who are going through the trials and tribulations that we go through with our kids. It is as if you are alone and no one will understand the struggle you face. But, there is help out there. You can talk to friends or other family members. If you are involved in a church, there are some that offer complete support without judgment and, hopefully, you can share with your pastor or another church member that you trust.

Additionally, for those families who are dealing with loved ones that are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, there are the usual resources for support groups and/or rehabilitation for the addicted. Those resources are as follows (to name a few):

1)  http://al-anon.alateen.org/?gclid=Cj0KEQiAsueiBRCT8YOM4PDElsYBEiQAaiI4IJ_nAcxwg_pPVKWlC2RP1eFLr9MmOPCmDYclELDYA4waAtFV8P8HAQ

2)   http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group

3)  http://www.projectknow.com/research/support-groups-for-families-of-addicts-and-alcoholics/

4)  http://www.livestrong.com/article/352381-family-support-groups-for-addiction/

In the end, I only hope and pray that you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. That there are circumstances that sometimes occur without your control; because you can’t control other people’s actions.

So, for all of you mothers out there, please be strong and keep your chin up. Take a page out of our venue and really, really, know that there are venues like this that also helps us to see things more clearly. A Network for Women Written by Women; which is this venue. It is an AWESOME place to interact with other women in that it enables us to seek and give support to each other.



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