We’ve nearly all had them, haven’t we ladies? One of those relationships that you don’t think you’ll ever get over the break up. And it hurts. It hurts like a b*tch.
You sit there and wonder…. “What did I actually do to make this go so wrong?” And it’s all-consuming. Any self-confidence and self-esteem that you may have built up over the course of your relationship is snuffed out in seconds. BOOM! And there you are….Lost, alone, and buying out the local supermarket’s supply of chocolate and Ben & Jerry’s.
It’s a tale that I’m sure we are all too familiar with.
And it’s hard to see any hope. With relationships – especially if it’s our first “grown up” one, we can be left wondering if there will be any semblance of life afterwards. How will I love again? Will anything compare? Who else will put up with all the dirty socks I leave on the floor and my milk-induced flatulence?
But ladies, when love gives us lemons, instead of sitting with them in our mouths, tongues going sour, grab those lemons, and find the biggest bottle of tequila (or personal lemon-y drink of choice.) Because it’s not those around us we need to send our love to first. Up there in the number one spot….You got it, it’s ourselves.
When I went through that big first break-up, I had that mourning period (we all need it – grief is incredibly healthy,) but then, once the dust settled, I took a step back and looked at the things I really wanted to achieve, and how I could make all these things happen. I discovered that having me as the ultimate priority now, this list was really easy – and very fun – to compile.
The first big thing I did was go travelling. Thirteen amazing days throwing myself completely out of my comfort zone and travelling around eastern parts of Canada and the USA living in a tent and sleeping under the stars. Gazing up at the night sky in the middle of a Canadian camp site and realising that I am surrounded by so many bigger and greater things is one I will never forget. (Talk about going to lengths to gain some perspective, eh?)
The next thing I did was take some real time focusing on pampering myself. And I don’t just mean facemasks and nail varnish. Oh no. I did a complete overhaul on my life. I threw out old bits of rubbish that had been festering in drawers and lurking underneath tables. I did some feng-shui and rearranged pictures, decluttered and moved furniture. I completely changed the colour-scheme in my house to make it as bright as possible. I booked myself in for the most decadent massage I could find, and I went through my wardrobe and chucked out everything that was any of the following: drab, boring, old, or over-washed…Anything that would make me feel like a frumpy old granny.
But the third and most important thing I did was remember where the most supportive, steady, constant love in my life lies. The kind of love that keeps on glowing in the darkness when my life seems so bleak. The kind of love that never ceases to give me that snuggly warm fuzzy feeling inside. The kind of love that will always be there. The love of my friends. The love of my family.
I made sure that my whole diary was full to the brim of days out, visits, slumber parties, pizza dates, dinners, nights out and shopping trips. I submersed myself in catching up with those that, maybe because I had been in a relationship; I had not left as much time for as I should. Where the flickering flame of love in my relationship had gone out, the love from my friends and family shone out brighter than ever.
You need to take as long as you need to let your heart mend. I’m not going to say leave it for x amount of time because, well, it’s going to be different for everybody. Only you will know when you are ready to take that one small step for man, but one gigantic plunge for you. I know that for me, it hit me like a punch to the face. It’s been a long road through love rehab, but now, I just can’t believe how lucky I am. I found the love of my life. My heart. My better half. My soul mate. My best friend. And we are getting married….I mean….WOW!
I’m not going to make this a smoosh-fest filled with hearts, flowers, balloons and little cupids firing arrows, but what I will say is that if you’re now, at this second spending time in the Heartbreak Hotel, rethink your reservation because it does and it will get better.
And in your own time, in your own way, that courage to love again will return, and it will blow how you thought love could feel out of the water!