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For Love or Money

Picture a wedding. It’s beautiful. It’s opulent and very expensive. There are rose petals scattered all over the vestibule, several wonderful bridesmaids and two perfect doves carrying the ring pillow to the Groom. Now picture the Bride, she is elegant and classy. She has a veil and her face is only partially on show. She is holding onto her father’s arm as she glides down the aisle, smiling at everyone. Everyone that is, except the groom.

Underneath the veil she is scowling slightly as she approaches her husband to be. It’s not obvious and not one person would see it. Her groom is smiling openly. He is glowing with love. He adores this women and means it when he says he will ‘love, honor and cherish her.’ He is a fool in love. Or more to the point, he is a rich fool in love, and being rich is what bagged his bride. The congregation know that she is marrying for money. They know because she doesn’t try to hide it. She clawed her way through society looking for the perfect bank balance and when she found it, she gripped on for dear life. She arranged the excessive wedding in record time and she maintained a perfection just to make sure she didn’t lose hold of her prize catch. She was ruthless.

She is not alone. More and more women these days are targeting rich men. It seems as though it’s normal now to assess a man’s credit before his personality or even looks. There are clubs for these women. They are like dating services in the way that they sign up men and women seeking a partner. But these clubs have a twist. You can only join if you are certifiably rich. There are even television shows that instruct women on how to find a rich husband. Some women (and men oddly) are brazen gold diggers and they are usually the ice cold blondes in Debenhams buying an Armani leather bag.

But then that would be tapping in to a stereo type wouldn’t it? It is imagined that women marrying for money are all young and beautiful with their husbands to be generally older and less attractive. But is this true? In actual fact, with the rise in second and third marriages, these stereotypes are becoming less common. Older women are now online and socially looking for their next partner. These women have lost their husbands to divorce or death, and they need a new wealthy mate. For these women it’s a simple transaction. They meet the man, work out if they can live with them and then marry them. They provide all things domestic and are rewarded with luxury. It’s cold really but the only person to ever get hurt is the doe eyed millionaire they have bullied to the altar. Well, hurt in his pocket if he didn’t get a pre-nup.

So why do men fall for it? Sometimes it’s the fear of being alone and other times it is that the woman is so convincing that she seems like a fail-safe bride. Men don’t mind sharing their cash if they get an attractive wife for a reasonable price. They have also been known to be great fans of the ‘trophy’ bride. An example of a young woman marrying for money would have to be blond blue eyed Abbey Crouch (nee Clancy.) In 2006 she pursued lanky, buck teethed footballer Peter Crouch like a werewolf on a full moon. She snagged him and then he proceeded to cheat on her with a vengeance. Now this near 6 foot model blond could have had her pick of faithful and probably affluent men. Though she quite happily stayed with treacherous Crouch. The answer to why was very obvious. Crouch earns no less than Fifty thousand pounds each week. She will never have to earn herself again and she can live in a life of shopping, socializing and beautification. Perfect right? Not really. Fifty thousand pounds a week isn’t enough to pledge eternity to the likes of Peter Crouch surely? But then owning up to that leaves it quite difficult to work out who is the bigger fool, her or him?

But don’t despair, not every woman marries for money, so let’s use your mind’s eye to picture the wedding again. The same setting, but much less grandiose. Perhaps with one bridesmaid and not eight, and minus the doves. Under the ‘bought off the rack’ veil of this bride is flushed cheeks and a contented smile. She moving down the aisle with grace and serenity. The congregation are gasping at her radiance and she giggles as she meets her groom. The veil goes back and the love melts from her eyes to his. They say their vows and run back out of the church buy tamoxifen 20 mg uk happy and enthusiastic for the lives ahead of them. These poor people have married for love, and little do they know what price they will pay for their innocence.

Love can conquer much, but most certainly not all. Couples who marry for love spend the first year in idealism. They play at being husband and wife and they enjoy living together. They have a fundamental basis of a good relationship so when the storms of life hit, they both act supportive and accordingly to the situation. However, as time goes by, the introduction of new additions (ie.children,) brings the feeling of the full on pressure of responsibility. These couples are wonderful in theory, but very vulnerable in practice. Their first mistake are the 3 words, I love you. They brandish this saying about using it as an excuse for every problem.

They start to experience financial pressure and the woman especially realizes her bi-weekly highlight touch up at her hairdressers, isn’t exactly a household bill. The man also feels the pressure and with it comes the swift but sure removal of the 20 year old season ticket subscription. This is because his wife is screaming the house down over a trip to the hairdresser and she has to rob him of something important to feel better.
Life is supposed to be better when you are in love. Your family is supposed to be 2.4 and a picket fence. Alas, this is very rarely the case if you have no money. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. You won’t hear a happy, romantic, blissful ending to a story that starts with ‘We dined out at KFC one night …….’

So which is the right choice? And do we have that much control over our choices anyway? The woman who marries may be able to buy shoes when she wants, but does she really want bear her wealthy husbands children in an act of limitless love? But women who married for love has probably had said children and now can’t afford to buy shoes once a year, which isn’t exactly a great life either.

There has to be a happy medium. Maybe instead of millionaires the money hungry could compromise to comfortably rich and maybe the deeply in love could look at things more sensibly and assess the choices of each other and not chick lit. Perhaps it might be better that we all settled for fifty percent of either, like a good, hardworking, attractive middle class man. If this was the cases maybe one in three wouldn’t divorce, because the marriage would have been entered consensually, under no false pretense.

Of course this isn’t an exhaustive list of reasons to marry. There is marrying for a Visa. Marrying because of pregnancy. Marrying because you want a party and a dress. Marrying because it’s been arranged. Marrying because you’re lonely. Marrying because you are afraid of being lonely. Marrying just because you have been asked to. Marrying for legal reasons (i.e. wills etc.) Marrying because you can’t think of anything else to do and marrying for the reason that lead me, a serial spinster, to walk down the aisle.

I got married because I couldn’t imagine a day in my life when I wouldn’t want to talk to my now husband. It sounds irrational, but when I decided that he was the one, it was literally because I knew I couldn’t live without him. It was not romantic, it wasn’t farcical and it wasn’t a fairytale either. It was a basic, raw need to have this brilliant man in my life every single day. I didn’t want him to marry someone else. I wanted to have his children and I wanted to experience every high and low that life dealt with him standing at my side. I made the right choice, and so did he. So far we have endured hell in our ten year marriage. We have dealt with death, serious illness, financial problems, huge extended family issues, tears about my kids (his step-kids) and tears about our own child, a very unique little boy. We didn’t have a big wedding, we had 4 guests and that was only because they found out. We started married life poor and we still are relatively poor. But, we are happy, safe and really quite smug with it.

Don’t marry for money, don’t marry for love, don’t marry for lust and certainly don’t marry for a tax break, because it doesn’t exist anymore. Marry your best friend and you won’t regret it and when you’re walking down the aisle, don’t forget to give husband to be a very generous wink. If he is Mr. Right, he will smile and give you a wink right back

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