How many times a week do you have sex? What about a month? OK how about a year? It’s a personal question that can come up when chatting with the gals. People assume that because you’re in a relationship you must be having sex all the time. It’s so easily achieved when your partner is sleeping next to you every night right? WRONG?
If you’ve ever used an app to track your sexual escapades, periods, and hormonal swings you might’ve learned something about your love life. For me, I learned that I wasn’t having enough sex for someone who lives with their significant other. All my friends who were in relationships were having sex regularly. At least three times a week (sometimes more than once a day). So when I looked at my calendar and saw that I hadn’t had sex in over a month I didn’t know what to think. Was I not in love anymore? Did he not love me anymore? I knew this wasn’t the case but what was it. What if he wasn’t attracted to me anymore? Or maybe I wasn’t attracted to him and this was my body telling me to move on. Before getting hysterical I decided to confront the boy in question. His answer? “I’m just tired.”
What’s a girl to think!? Her boy is too tired for sex? That’s never a good answer! Boys are programmed to want sex all day every day aren’t they? But then it dawned on me… He was always the one to initiate any kind of intimacy while we were dating. I’ve never been a particularly sexual person but rather waited for him to want me. Maybe I had let the spark go out and needed to reignite it. Maybe he knew he could have me whenever he wanted now that we lived together so his sense of urgency was gone. Well that was going to change. I made an effort to wear sexy undergarments. I became more playful during everyday activities and made sure to strut around the house in as little clothing as possible. Sometimes this worked but when I looked back at my app there was no significant change. But then I realised, without looking at the app I would never have noticed that we weren’t having sex. I didn’t miss it. It was a false sense of insecurity that made me wonder why we weren’t intimate with each other more frequently. But there are other ways of showing intimacy than having sex regularly.
Intimacy can come in many forms. It’s a head rub when you’re not feeling well. It’s snuggling on the couch with your favorite movie on. It’s holding each other’s hands while walking down the street. It’s dancing in the kitchen to the sound of his humming. When I climb into bed at night I don’t think, “I’m glad we’re not having sex tonight.” I don’t think about it all. When it happens it happens. We’re in love and that’s not changing no matter the number of times we rumple the sheets.
So how many times have we had sex this month? None of your business.