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Losing that innocence

I have a boyfriend and he’s a little older than me, we have only been together a few months but he wants to have sex. I’m not sure is it the right thing?

All my friends are having sex with their boyfriends and I feel like I’m being left behind. I don’t want to feel different and left out, should I just have sex? Help!

I have been with my boyfriend for a while, but now he wants to have sex, I’m unsure and he says he can get other girls to sleep with him if I won’t. I don’t know what to do.

I’m still a virgin but the guy I like is known for being around women and sleeping with them. I don’t know if I were to date him would he want sex? I’m not sure I’m ready to have sex, what should I do?

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” The loss of innocence in the form of virginity truly puts the childish things away for good, not being something that you can ever get back. It is a big decision that many struggle with. Time and time again the questions are asked to agony aunts all around the world, and even sometimes being asked to me; people asking for help when it comes to tackling this major milestone in their life. Reaching out for help and advice is the first good step in the right direction rather than just letting it happen and coming to regret it later.

It’s never going to be that perfect fairy tale moment, where the earth moves and fireworks light up the skies, we need to come back down to reality with this. The passionate moments in movies only help to idealise sex, showing us the passion, and in fact unrealistic version of sex meaning that those who have never experienced it before only have the perfect images to work with. Life isn’t perfect and neither is sex sometimes, and it’s something worth remembering this before you dive into your first time. So long as the moment is good enough for you then it is perfect, don’t judge your experience on what you have seen or even heard from other people.

Doubts seep into every part of our lives, causing us to think about things in greater detail than we would like but if you are having doubts when it comes to sex then maybe it is best to wait and see what happens later on. Solid advice for not only having your first time but for other relationships just blossoming; no harm can come from being 100% sure about your actions, especially when you can’t take them back. Never be worried to say no, it is your body and only you can decide what happens to it, if it just does not feel right then don’t do it; sex should never be used to keep someone close to you, and to keep a relationship blooming.

Some women prefer older men as partners but when only young yourself it can cause a few problems. They are often more sexually experienced and willing to have sex with their partners, sometimes unfortunately expecting it from their relationships at least at some point. However, it’s not all bad to date someone older; sometimes the good really does outweigh the bad. Being older-depending on age- they will have gotten over the whole “sex, sex, sex must have sex” part of their life and can actually control themselves when around women. This means that you are much more likely to have a chance to get to know each other and let the relationship grow before you take the plunge into a sex life. Also with them having more sexual experience it is more likely that they will know what to do in order to make you feel good, be it your very first time or just your first time with them. If they cannot wait till you are ready or sit, talk and understand your worries about sex then the harsh truth soon comes to light-they only want sex from you. Don’t have sex with someone because they tell you to, or you fear they can get it from someone else. Don’t give in to peer pressure.

So everyone around you is having sex, taking about what they did last night or over the weekend, flirting with boys all around you-feeling left out is never a good feeling. Please don’t worry about what others are doing, 16, 18, 21 it does not matter your age –so long as it’s legal- as to when you have sex so long as the time is right for you. Women tend to mature faster, earlier, than men, often knowing what they want years in advance to their counter parts. However, everyone is different- no life is the same twice, make your choices upon your own life, your own circumstances rather than judging yourself on the actions of others around you. Only you will know when they times is right, and it could be years after everyone else but that is fine –it should be as perfect as you can possibly make it. Don’t live a life regretting that you had waited till you were older and wiser.

Picking the perfect guy is not something easily done, women will date any number of men they find the right one that they want to stay with for life –waiting till marriage in the modern world sometimes is not practical. We are a world bombarded with sex and expectations so sex before marriage for most is not a possibility; so don’t look for Mr Perfect, Mr Right as Mr Right Now will work. Now of course that does not mean that it should be just anyone that you have found that you like –a relationship should be there when it is your first time. There should always be some sort of feelings between you and your sexual partner when in a relationship, otherwise sex just isn’t the same and you can end up regretting having given your first time to them, or rushed the relationship. Don’t worry about finding your life partner just find someone good to you and for you. Don’t rush into sex with your partner, wait for feelings to develop.

Safety first- when having any sex it is always best to be protected at all times, for women it can be anything from the pill to an implant but it’s always good, male or female to carry a condom with you if you think that you may end up having sex. When it comes to your first time, the last thing you want to be worrying about is a possible pregnancy or even STDs –that really can take the fun out of the experience. If you are with a partner –a wise choice when it comes to losing your virginity, then you should get your partner checked –if they are not a virgin too. This way you know that you will be safe just in case anything does go wrong; your partner should be quiet happy to get tested in order to put your mind at rest and make sure everything goes as perfectly as possible. Don’t take a chance of your sexual safety.

So, your first time is probably not going to be like in the movies but it does not mean it cannot be the best possible moment for you. Timing and having the right partner are key; let your worries and questions slip away. Only you can decide when the time is right; your body, your decision. Remember, you only get one virginity and it is something to be treasured and only taken by the right person for you.

Comments

  • Awesome piece Anastasia! Well written, readable and all-inclusive.
    Decades ago when I faced the decision to lose my virginity, society dictated that a woman should not until she was married. I did nonetheless and felt like a low life worm!
    The pendulum seems to have swung towards ‘friends with benefits.’
    In my humble opinion, I think that there is a vast difference between love and lust. Personally, I would only feel comfortable having sex with a man that I truly love.

    • Anastasia Anastasia says:

      Society is constantly changing, it seems we are a little more open towards sex these days but still there is a huge stigma and worry surrounding it. But in the end society isnt the one having sex, it is an experience only the individual can act on and decide upon.

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