‘Fuckboy': A guy that doesn’t have Bae potential, can’t find the clitoris, mostly only likes sex, wants to be friends with benefits and is a walking STD.
As if finding a man without a drug addiction or skinny jeans wasn’t hard enough, womankind was recently gifted with the rise of a new phenom, the ‘fuckboy’.
They come in all shapes and sizes, have no ambition, insist that bros come before hoes, ask you for ‘nudes’ (selfies in which you are, obviously, naked) in the frozen foods aisle in Asda and Kevin Federline is their supreme leader.
Tragically, we will all deal with a fuckboy or two in our lifetimes so for the sake of women everywhere, here is a compilation of tried and tested methods to ridding yourself of a fuckboy:
1. Tell him you are preparing your womb for motherhood.
2. Call him ‘Baby Daddy’ henceforth.
3. Comment on every single picture he has ever uploaded on any social media platform… EVER!
4. Change your last name on FB, IG and Twitter to his surname.
5. Friend request his mum on facebook and try to list her on your FB family tree.
6. When he doesn’t respond to your text, call him repeatedly – when he answers, laugh and then cry.
7. Take pictures of him when he’s asleep and post them on his facebook wall captioned ‘my future husband’ followed by an unspeakable amount of heart emojis.
8. Throw a tantrum when he forgets your cat’s birthday.
9. Stalk him mercilessly so you can casually ‘bump into him’ at least once a day.
10. Pee on him to mark your territory.
Essentially, make it clear you want a commitment of some description and a fuckboy will slink back off, under his rock where he will wait for a less choosy example of our sex who will welcome him into her arms and bed, smug in the knowledge that she will be able to change him.