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A Long Time From Now

Being with my young cousins today has made me realise how different I actually feel about having children. I’m twenty one, but around the age of eighteen I went through a maternal phase. I couldn’t stop looking at babies and often daydreamed about having my own one day. Now, however, I feel completely different about it.

As I watched my auntie struggle with her one year old and four year old today I couldn’t help but feel helpless. I love children; I adore babies but only when they are cooing in their pram or smiling from ear to ear. The moment a baby cries or a toddler has a tantrum, I want to put pillows over my ears and leave the room. I find children frustrating. I don’t have the patience for them at all. I guess I’m in a selfish phase in my life right now but that’s okay. I want to enjoy myself and get my life on track first. Although I feel I have natural maternal instincts, I’m in no rush to act on them. Having children is the furthest thing from my mind.

I would like to have a child one day, but it will definitely be a long time from now. I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of responsibility any time soon. Many young people are settling down and having families but as I watch a lot of them raise their children, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for them. They haven’t experienced life for themselves yet. They have probably only ever been in education and almost all of them settle for jobs that they ‘have’ to get to support their growing family. I don’t get it. Why didn’t they wait? I’m going to wait.

Society expects all women to bear children, but in this modern world, women are now reaching higher pinnacles in their careers, travelling the world and doing everything that they aspire to do. It’s safe to say that not every woman desires to be a stay at home mum/ housewife. Some women want that life and it’s up to them but I’ve always wanted more. I have this hunger to succeed in other areas of my life. I have a plan in my mind and right now, having children isn’t even a priority.

From a young age, I always imagined having children young but for the first time, I’m starting to realise that there are other things I could do with my life first. I can picture a possible life without having them. I guess I don’t have to decide anything right now. I don’t mind holding someone else’s baby but when it cries, I hand it back and let them deal with it. I’m happy to stand on the side lines and watch everyone around me have babies. I will have them when I’m ready and if not, then that’s okay too.

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