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Love Lab


“Let me take a selfie” – the penis picture problem

I am going to put this out there because I feel guys my age probably should be enlightened by this.Your penis makes no difference to my life. Sending me an image of it does not enhance my feelings towards you one way or another except think that you probably should get a better camera and potentially a life outside the “let me take a selfie” penis picture.

Although I’m seeing someone now, for a while I was on the dating websites after a very messy breakup which included a lot of tequila and googling ‘how to get over someone.’  (FYI it does not involve calling up your ex drunk at 3am and asking what went wrong.)  As I had come back from a stint of travelling I was also unemployed which basically meant I had  far too much time on my hands (a dangerous combination for someone in the midst of heartbreak and self pity).

After one particular night fuelled by Rioja and Facebook stalking I threw myself into the dating game. Partly to cheer myself up, partly boredom and in small part for the free dinners. In return I got a couple of nice dates, a lot of bizarre messages (“you’re so white I could lay you on the table and snort you”) and a shit ton of penis pictures.

Can someone please tell me why men folk do this? Firstly the male genitalia is not an attractive thing to look at at the best of times. I would like to say that this is merely the act of strangers on the net in which I can put down to pure creepiness and sexual desperation. But alas I have had exes in the past whom, on a lazy day off, decide it’s an appropriate time to send me a penis selfie . What am I meant to do with this? The last thing I want at work, when I have a mass of deadlines, is to receive a picture of your bits . It’s a shock at 3pm in the afternoon. (And what’s worse is that what’s app saves images. Send me a cat picture- great. Trouser snake? Not so much.) The best I can do is a hasty reply of ‘lol’ and hope to god my colleagues didn’t see.

So put it away guys. Just send me an image of a freshly baked Camembert and a bottle of Sancerre with ‘be home at 7′ and that will be just fine.


  • Amy Tocknell says:

    Hilarious. The best ones are accompanied with a message that reads ‘You like that?’. What the heck do you say to that? ‘Mmmmmmm, yeah’. Grow up chaps! xx

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