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I Love Me

Learn how to become best friends with yourself

Whether you are the Managing Director of one of the big Fortune 500 companies, a small business owner or the head of Human Resources, your success level is monitored by the way that you make decisions, perform tasks and deliver.  Obviously this will require a positive, confident and ambitious mind set. If your way of thinking tends to lapse on the darker side of life and everything in the garden continually comes up weeds, you need a crash course in self-belief. It is easy to watch shows such as The Apprentice and put all that success down to luck, money or high intelligence but Sir Alan himself came from a working class, low-income family but rose to global recognition. He is now a leading pioneer in the business world. Anyone can be a successful entrepreneur or chairman simply by changing their thinking process and approaching business with unbounding enthusiasm, heaps of imagination and a determination to succeed.

Take a look at some of the world leaders, they are polished, confident, passionate and possess great communication skills. Upon first impression they could be misinterpreted as being egotistic but it is this projection of success which keeps them ahead of the competition. Many consider a managerial position as unachievable for the average Joe but this negative thought process ensures that they stay in their current position. However, running a business is simply a matter of overcoming a run of obstacles.

Therefore, it does not matter whether you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, went to Harvard or passed a MENSA test, it is your thought process which will make or break your career.  This means becoming aware of the internal dialogue which triggers your emotions. When you can recognise those self-sabotaging words which thwart your success they no longer have the power to do their worst. If the road to riches seems to keep taking you round the bend, you can get off it simply by re-programming your mind. When this has been achieved you can take the open road, the road which will lead you to the generous salary that a managing director receives.

From now on you will examine your external dialogue with a fine toothed comb. You task is to spot all the times you drag yourself down throughout the day. Let’s begin…cast your mind over the past few hours. Can you remember how many times you have said something along the lines of “I am so stupid” or “I always make him angry” such comments are emotionally sapping. In fact if you spoke this way to a friend or colleague, the recipient would probably find it hard not to land you one on the nose! So don’t talk to yourself with such little respect, you deserve better.

How many times have you offloaded onto others and then wished you had kept it all to yourself? When you spend half the evening going into explicit detail about something which happened to you several days ago, it demonstrates that you care more about others than you do yourself. You should not allow people to play on your mind to such an extent that you are constantly regurgitating the past. This floods the mind with negativity as you continually resurrect old wounds. When you allow someone to change your mood from happy to sad it shows that you are weak. In essence, you are a vessel that people can manipulate. A strong person would never allow anyone to alter their mood. Stop drip-feeding yourself shots of negativity with those blasts from the past. Allow them to heal by keeping them in the past where they belong and stop using phrases such as “I should never have” or “If only I had” or “Well it was alright for her she had”.

In each of the above examples, the mind is constantly exposed to feelings associated with hurt, regret and nagging frustrations, all tell-tale signs of being weak but who wants to be classed as weak? Whenever you see your friends or family again, make a point of recalling bad experiences but without any of the negative bits. This allows your mood to remain stable and stops you from becoming emotionally drained.

It goes without saying that there will always be someone who will press your buttons, but it is your response mechanism which will decide how you reply. The next time someone comes across as being patronising try to avoid starting a conversation with the word “why”. The most obvious phrase to use when someone has made us feel inferior is to say “Why did he have to make me feel so stupid” or “Why does he talk to me like I am a child?” When you make yourself the victim, you become it.

People who respect themselves refuse to listen to any negative self- talk as they know it will have a detrimental impact. They will not entertain such a notion and only want, expect and allow positive thoughts to resonate throughout their inner being. These are the people who see obstacles as challenges and are willing to learn, practise and experiment with outcomes to reach a required result. They know that they will find a way to succeed and they trust themselves implicitly. They live every day with passion, a positive outlook and a confident manner and go forward no matter how many obstacles are put in their way.

Trust yourself and you will be surprised at what you are capable of. The top 1% of business people are those who go with their feelings or gut instinct. There is nothing wrong with trying out a new technique or idea to see where it leads. Those who are prepared to take a risk are the ones who will most likely come up with new and innovative solutions. There is an old saying “if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it” but if your company has been following the same routine for years, it may be time to infuse some life into it and drag it into the 21st Century. The world is constantly changing and if you cannot or will not change with it, you may not have a company to run next year.

How often have you coined the phrase “I will do that later?” The millionaires of this world did not make their fortune by putting tasks on hold. If a job needs doing, there is no time like the present. If you do not have the enthusiasm to make your company succeed, how will you stay afloat? Sure you can put it off until next week but someone out there will be thinking along the same lines and will act in the moment. This leaves you regretting missed opportunities and adding further negativity to the mix.

From now on, hold your head up high and start clawing back some of that confidence you allowed to slip away. Many executives portray an image of calm and grace but underneath may be paddling like mad to keep everything together. This quiet confidence is an admirable quality and one which has allowed them to approach tasks with a relaxed and focussed mind. They consider obstacles as challenges to sink their teeth into and are always aware of the processes which need to be taken to ensure that the company runs with extreme precision. If they promise something, it will be done, no matter how complex, boring or impossible it may seem.

Don’t be afraid of what lies ahead…look at the future with optimism and hope. If you cannot do that don’t think about anything at all, just take it one day at a time. Obstacles will pop up when you least expect them no matter how confident you are. The trick is to accept them as a part of life and not to view them as a curse which has been planted on you to ruin your life. When you view difficult situations with this frame of mind, they do not become so much of a demon and you are able to see them for what they are. Problem solving will become easier and your future will become clearer. When the fear around a problem is eliminated and you are able to embrace it rather than fight it, that mountain of stress will no doubt seem like a molehill.

By making a promise to face up to difficulties and discover what you are capable are, you will actually enjoy getting to know the ‘new’ you. Your aim should be to adapt with the shifting sands so as you can manoeuvre your business according to the changes which take place in the world. Start to feel passionate about success, visualise yourself earning thousands of pounds five years from now or running the company single handed and you will start to feel your confidence grow day by day.


  • Anna says:

    How funny! This is precisely what my editor/cheerleader/bootcamp instructor said to me today when I gave myself a hard time – “would you tell your best friend that if she was hard on herself?” That was a bit of an eye-opener for me, and from now on, I will be treating myself like my best friend! Great article, really enjoyed it. x

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