I had a major spring clean this week, which involved overhauling my entire wardrobe. During this process, I was amused to find a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. Many months ago, I bought these items with the view that spending money on running might just be incentive enough to make me leap of the sofa and down the local running track.
I enjoy running, really I do, but I just couldn’t cope with the dogs, the weather and the people. To be honest, I just couldn’t cope with the people.
Image sourced from here.
In the few instances where I did make it as far as the track, I came to realise that there are four kinds of runner in this world:
1) The health freaks: these are the people who wish to live forever. They spend half of their lives running, a quarter bending into unnecessarily awkward shapes (I think they call that yoga?) and the remaining quarter eating sawdust. If that is what it takes to live forever, then I’m content with a target of 70.
2) The weight obsessed: need I say anymore? GO AND EAT!
3) Those who enjoy running: these people should be informed, on a regular basis, that enjoying exercise is, by all accounts, not normal. Exercise is the teacher’s way of getting revenge on their students in school, which just transpires into a continued self-punishment once we have left. If anything, exercise is a mental condition and one that we must treat with cakes and television.
4) Those who like to be seen: we all know one of these people. They’re the ones who buy all of the latest running gear, along with a fancy blender and tell you exactly how much everything costs and exactly how far they ran last night. These people need to be told one thing: NOBODY CARES!
If you do not exercise, you will die a horrible and premature death and I guess it is not a bad thing to have aspirations. Everyone must have something that they enjoy and really, we need the people who have to be seen in the world to draw attention away from ourselves every now and then.
I guess that I am a fifth kind of runner: the ones who don’t want to or need to, but just do. Why? Now that, I will never know.