I briefly touched upon a topic yesterday, on my Facebook page, that has been on my mind lately; the power of saying no. In very simple terms, the word no has been more associated with negativity and the word yes with positivity. Many of us remember the times in our childhood when our requests for a much desired item was met with a stern “no” by a parent or authority figure in our lives. Some of us had more of these no’s in response to our requests than others, however we have all at some time or another felt the sting of rejection that comes from being vulnerable enough to ask for something and having our request shunted by another.
Yes, on the other hand, we like. If we had our way, all of our requests would be met with a bright and happy “YES!”. And yes, the Universe wants us to be happy and to live the life that would make us most happy, however, do we really know what that is? Let’s take an example from children and their parents. If a parent has never said no to their child and constantly meets their requests and demands without thinking of the consequences, that child becomes “spoiled” and when met with an inevitable no from the external world outside of the family, that child reacts very badly and can be very emotionally destructive.
Just as any conscientious parent wishes to help their child be happier in the long run by not giving in to all of their many requests for things, so sometimes our true parent, God, will not always meet all of our requests.
I like to use the prayer – “This or something greater God” when I desire a certain outcome because experience has taught me that, often, my plans for my own happiness and fulfilment, pale in comparison to what God had in store for me! And often the things I have been most hooked on achieving have been the very things, in hindesight that would have held me back from the thing that I truly needed, to be at peace at that stage in my development. So in many ways, receiving a no from the universe can be a wonderful thing!
You can be sure of one thing; that God will always meet your requests for peace with a resounding yes! <3
And so onto us, as co-creators of our lives with God we are not called to simply be passive witnesses of our lives, but active participants in God’s plan for salvation. I have seen, growing up and for many years, that there is a real issue with many people’s ability to say no in a loving, empowering way. Although I believe this to be more of an epidemic for females, of course it is not limited to women and men can often experience the same problem, depending on their personality.
I see that many mothers and I myself have often felt terrified to say no to the requests and demands placed upon them by others. Their plates become so full with other folks agendas and there is such a cultural pressure for women to be accommodating, kind and gentle all of the time that when it comes to saying no and setting clear boundaries for themselves, they become paralysed.
Here are some facts:
1) No one will give you the permission to take time out for yourself and your highest priorities. If you are giving them what they want and need, they will not want you to stop and therefore it is up to YOU to set those boundaries in place.
2) You are never going to be universally liked or accepted by everyone. Not even Mother Theresa was, so your taking on a million things and hoping to be given a Sainthood ain’t gonna happen sister (or brother). Martyrdom is so last century.
3) Anyone calling you selfish for focussing on your own interests is just pissed off because you have withdrawn some of your time and energy from them. Send them love and carry on regardless.
4) God and the angels want you to be happy and to function at your fullest capacity. And as my mentor, Marianne Williamson, says “God does not need you to police the universe”.
5) Being busy is not always productive. The next time you are tempted to say how busy you have been, think about taking a breath and maybe sitting in meditation or prayer for a little while. You, your family and friends will reap the benefits.
6) “The world needs glorious women” – Marianne Williamson. You running around half-ragged and never accepting any help or support, while trying to be super woman does not help the world! We NEED you, but not in the way you think! Pray for clarity and it will come.
So the next time the school asks you to run that bake sale and you’d really rather sit at home with a book, say no. The next time someone asks you out for a drink when you have studying to do that you know you will feel awesome about when you do it, say no.
Yes it is terrifying at first, but like any muscle, the more you practice, the stronger it gets. Ask God and the angels to guide you to communicate your no’s in loving ways and get about the business of living your dreams!
No doesn’t have to be a negative, so let’s reframe and say yes to saying no!
Love and boundless Light to you and yours,