After trying to juggle a very stressful medical sales job, studying a degree and trying to manage a house hold I finally cracked…
How come other women can do it? Why do I feel like I’m drowning 24/7?, I asked myself as a lunged into a big piece of leftover chocolate cake. I was in my PJ’s and it was 11am. I had faked I was ill just to have a break and some peace and quiet. For the next two hours I procrastinated and I had so much on my mind I didn’t know what to do, I basically just sat in one spot. I felt so guilty. The thoughts that ran through my mind were: should I put washing on, take a long bath, change all the bedding, wash dogs… oh my word I feel guilty for not being my ‘go go go’ self. Even when a have a free moment it feels like there is an enormous weight on my shoulders. How do I escape this?
I walk into the bathroom and take a look in the mirror, before I take this long awaited candle lit bath at now 1pm in the afternoon. As I stare at myself I am as shocked and at the same time not surprised how I don’t look myself. Bags under my eyes, unplucked eyebrows, my roots of my hair are growing out and my skin is super pale. My mind starts to wonder to the last time my husband looked at me like I was the hottest thing slice sliced bread. I stop nibbling on the cake as I realise the last time I made out with husband was more than two weeks ago. Oh geez. I start to over analysis my skin and find a million imperfections. What the hell does he see in me? Where did I go? Why do I feel overwhelmed all the time? Why can’t I just let go? The last time I let go and laughed and enjoyed myself and who I am was…I can’t remember…my life has fallen apart…but how? I am going full speed and trying my best!
I get days where I look around me and there’s so much to do that I start hyperventilating inside but yet still maintain a smile on my face. I feel like my best is never good enough. My car and house is never clean enough. My paper work never up to date. My appearance is not what I want it to be… I haven’t planned enough for work or finished reports. I don’t spend enough time with the kids… I don’t bake… OK STOP. But what if I had done… if only I was… how could I be… JUST STOP… if any of you ladies out there go through this on a continuous basis, like I do, then you know how this feels right?
So I think to myself: OK Ally, you’ve got to suck it up. Literally and figuratively ha ha ha. What are my options? Google? Call a friend that understands you? Write down all the things that are bugging you, like a pro and con list I used to do when dating a guy?
All of the above. This is how I started to ease my troubled, over cluttered mind.
Firstly if anyone can relate to my above scattered brain then you probably are a mom that tries really hard at everything she does. She takes on way to much then she can chew and spreads herself too thinly but feels this is something she is obligated to do. You the type of person that wants to be successful, further your career, be the loving all together mother with the smell of homemade bread sifting through the house while you prance around in the latest G Culture outfit, the kids are doing an arts and craft project you put together that morning before you gave your husband a blow job and headed off to well-planned day at work. Well STOP that doesn’t exist. You are doing just fine and probably a hell of a lot more than most moms. Stop piling and piling your own expectations onto yourself. Stop trying to be perfect because you already are. (Ok you could always wax or shave a little more).
Stop drowning and start swimming. You chose EVERYTHING that’s in your life. You picked out the dog that doesn’t stop lifting his leg on your flower pot. You chose to get married, have kids, and get a career and study (if you are). You chose these things and now you are miserable and the wheels have fallen off? This isn’t some speech about how grateful you should be even though you know that’s a given statement I should write down here.
So you no longer see the girls on a Thursday evening and now you read about it on Facebook, and find yourself sifting through other people’s lives on Facebook. So your underwear drawer hasn’t been updated since the year 2005 and those comfy panties with flowers all over them has become the norm. You chose this. If it bugs you, you chose to let it bug you. So now you probably or have already on many occasions pulled yourself apart from all angles. From your sex life to wardrobe to appearance etc etc etc…where do you begin, where do you stop, what do I need to more of, what should you change about yourself, am I ok, is this ok, what’s ok???? Oh gosh I’m eating bread again!!!!
Relax, I’ve been there a million times and yes I still go there but a lot less. We are human, we are actually super humans infact. What human can do all these things and still find the time to self-analyse? Well that at least what want to believe. Go and get a blank piece of paper. Seriously do it. Draw you in the middle, now right down 5 things about who you are. Do not write down the following: Your job, your qualification, your partner, your kids, your school, your hometown, your car, your family. Get it? So you can’t write: your name, mom, teacher, sales women, wife, Horticulturist, makeup artist, rich, broke, where you are from etc…who are you?
Next write down 5 long term goals. Could be a trip overseas, a car you have always pictured yourself driving… 5 goals for you! Then write down 5 short term goals: Gym more, pray more, relax more. Finish x amount of studying by a certain date. Just 5. Go to your magazines or newspaper lying around the house and try to cut out a picture that relates to each goals. Stick it next to the list or on a board. Make it your own. You can add on at time goes by or remove pictures. This is YOUR focus. This is what makes you happy! Next if you can stick these up somewhere. In your office, on your fridge or wall-Somewhere where you can visualise them each day. Claim these goals. Don’t just do them, talk about them, dream about them.
Feeling better? We are not done just yet.
Sit down in a quite area on your own and make a list. My lists are forever, but as soon as I have written it down it feels like half the weight is lifted. I use my notes app on my Samsung S5 and as I complete the tasks I delete them and vice versa. I find it easier as I often don’t have a pen or my diary on me and I will be driving or shopping and a thought will pop into my mind of something I need to do. There a lot of free apps and apps your can purchase now days. Either android or apple. Whatever works for you?
Next prioritise the list. Get your kids crayons, or stickers and choose a colour for urgent, medium urgency and so on. Put a date next to each one as you deadline. Be realistic. Load these into your diary, or your calendar on your phone with reminders set for a day or few beforehand. If you prefer paper-stick I compacted calendar (a month reflection) on your fridge or in front of your desk, or even next to your bed or on the bathroom mirror.
Next is a plan of action. Most of the most successful people in the world had a vision, a goal, a plan and routine (probably hardly any sleep too, lol). Make a time table, a weekly time table. Schedule in everything from shaving your legs to taking the dogs for a walk. Maximise your time. You will see that you will begin to feel better about your life and you will feel on top of things even if you haven’t gotten to everything because you have prioritised. Schedule in an early evening to sleep well. Schedule a date night, Wake up earlier and get in an hour of studying or admin or planning or praying. Make it your own. Manage your life as if it were a business. We chose all the stress we have in our lives and yes sometimes it is easier to have a good cry and pull the duvet over ourselves, but unfortunately when you wake up the next morning it will still be there. We have all heard the saying: “Eat an elephant bit by bit”. But have we really applied the concept and ourselves or are we putting it off for tomorrow. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit or break a habit, make those days a goal.
Lastly, reward yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself for who you are not and start to accept who you are and who you want to be.