*I started my IVF journey in May, I wrote a diary documenting my feelings and experiences, this excerpt was originally written on the 1/4/2014*
Stress… it got a grip of me today, worrying about the hospital tomorrow, and in my working environment I can’t have that, I need to leave it in a little jar at home! I’m just hoping this is a little bump in the road, why am I worrying?? Maybe because its all becoming very real, I think Mother’s Day on Sunday is playing a big part in this stressful day (I miss my nan so much), maybe I’m being too hard on myself, I’m definitely putting far too much pressure on myself. It’s just so hard the one thing I’ve always wanted is within reach……but are my arms strong enough to reach out and grab it, people think I’m this big confident person, that’s not me at all, I’m a fragile and extremely insecure person, I’m absolutely terrified. But I’ve got to stay positive and happy, I suppose we all have days like this when everything feels like its slipping away and you’re one straw away from breaking the camels back. Urgh I’m just so nervous and worrying about money on top of that, I just want someone to sit me down and tell me this is all normal, I don’t know anyone who I can talk to who’s gone through this. Now do I carry on or give up like I always do?! If I feel this bad now how am I going to feel if something goes wrong with a body full of hormones, they have to bring on the menopause and then stop it…think I’m a crank now :/ I’m scared la! Is it worth it? For me yes but do other people need to be dragged through this?… I think a good nights sleep will help! Big day tomorrow!! Hard day tomorrow… no actually a new day tomorrow!!