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How Embarrassing

I am a woman who has had a considerable amount of embarrassing incidences in front on my other half and his family. I guess you could call this my own personal survival guide to the most common embarrassing hiccups experienced or soon to be experienced by you in front of the other half and the in-laws.

Getting Drunk
Let’s start with one for you girls who like a few too many drinks on a night out. Whether it’s falling over and flashing your pants, passing out in the toilet cubicle and having your boyfriend climb over to rescue you, challenging your boyfriends parents to a hula-hoop competition and throwing up over the side of a balcony, I’ve probably been there! When people make jokes about it, the worst thing you can do is act embarrassed. Laugh it off and play along with it instead. If it was one of your friends you’d find it funny and that’s because it is. You had a good time (even though you may not remember all of it) and that’s what matters.

Period Leaks
It happens to EVERY girl! If your other half loves and respects you as much as they should it is no big deal. If it’s in bed and it’s their sheet, apologise for possibly staining it maybe offer to buy a new one, if it’s not then don’t apologise! You had no control over your uterus. Discreetly take off the sheet, shove it in the wash and go for a shower. If it ends up on your skirt or jeans then wrap your jacket round your waist, ask for your other half’s jacket or just explain to them and they’ll happily walk behind you to cover it up. There is no reason for it to be brought up again, and do you know why? BECAUSE IT IS NO BIG DEAL!

Breaking Wind
Whoops! You did a bit of a fart. Make it cute. Giggle and just admit to it. You didn’t mean for it to slip out and if you have a sense of humour, farts are actually mildly to very entertaining. I’m sure any men around quite happily let a fart slip, possibly even force a fart once in a while so for you to accidentally slip a toot is a once again NO BIG DEAL.

The dreaded nip slip
Maybe you’re wearing a sleeveless dress or a low cut top with no bra and a bit too much movement leads to…oops hello, Mr Nip-nip. Obviously, don’t just leave it poking out, tuck it back in as soon as you can and laugh about it but look a little embarrassed (which is probably guaranteed for the majority). It’s more than likely that nobody noticed and if anybody did they were either nice enough to let you know or look away. The people around you will know it’s embarrassing and with any luck, there will be no mention of it. Don’t feel bad about it.

Queefing
So, you’re in bed and you’re getting in on with the man and all of a sudden there’s a fart sound. It’s attack of the queef. Once again, it’s normal. If your guy is concentrating more on the surrounding noise and not you and him however, that’s a bit worrying. Just get on with what you’re doing. It’s purely a sound and it’s just air. It’s not going to smell. You wouldn’t stop if the bed creaked once would you?

The Awkward Silence
When you first meet someone or even if you’ve been going out for ages, it can still be awkward being left alone with the parents. There are two options; politely excuse yourself with the “I need to make a phone call” lie or the “I’m just going to see what they’re up to” lie (don’t use the latter if everyone knows they’re on the loo, it just gets more awkward) or you just bring up anything you can from films to holidays. They’d probably admire you trying to make conversation and bond with them. However, NEVER resort to playing on your phone. It is plain rude and they’ll think you’re antisocial (even if you are, don’t let them know that).

Someone walking in on Hankypanky time
It’s happened to me….twice. Once was one of my best friends at a drunken party so I didn’t mind too much, he’d seen me in worse states I’m sure. The second time was my boyfriend’s dad walking in on us during a spot of foreplay. All that was said by him was “whoops! Sorry” and a prompt shutting of the door. I however freaked out a little. I didn’t want to carry on, I thought that his dad was going to think I’m disgusting but then my boyfriend reminded me that couples have sex. That may sound stupid but it’s not. If you’re in a relationship and you get caught having sex, what’s the big deal? People are going to assume you do it. Even if you’re not in a relationship, you’re probably still having sex right? So get over it! Nobody’s going to mention it because everyone is equally as embarrassed.

BIG Panties
So you go out for the evening in a nice frock and you put on some of those oversized knickers to tame the tum and you end up in bed with someone. BRIDGET JONES MOMENT.  You know something? Guys don’t care what underwear you’re in. Guys don’t care if they’re granny panties or not matching or if they have padding 3 inches thick. They care that you’re in bed with them, showing off your beautiful body and hey, that underwear should be on the floor eventually anyway right?

New Positions
Trying out new positions in bed is awkward but it is fun and it is exciting. You are probably going to find some of them hard to get into but just roll with it. It’s awkward for both of you so laugh about it and once it feels right start to get serious. Also, don’t be afraid to ask your other half to do something you want in the bedroom. Sex is about the both of you and you should both try out things to pleasure each other.

So that’s just a few embarrassing moments to experience in life but just remember, if it’s funny make a joke, if you are hurt say something and don’t be afraid to speak up. Everyone does embarrassing things. Look up to people like Jennifer Lawrence, she deals with embarrassment like a pro!

 

 

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