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Homicidally honest.

Homicidally honest.

That is a term my husband uses for me. It might be more apt to say suicidally honest but it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. I wonder at times if I am somewhere on the autistic spectrum, as I simply fail to grasp some societal affectations of politeness.

To me, if someone asks me a question, I tell them the truth. To me, if they didn’t want the truth, they would not have asked. As a result of my struggles to read what people actually mean when they ask things, I have very few friends. In fact, you would have a few fingers spare even if you had only one hand if you tried to count them.

I know that I unnerve people. Over time, I have tried very hard to do better but I tend towards the old standby .

“Do you want me to tell you the truth?” When I ask that, it stuns people into silence more often than not but they do ponder if they really do want the truth and will often flinch way from hearing my answer.

I am not totally inept in social situations. I can be charming and diplomatic but, the amount of energy it takes drains me so much that I avoid social situations whenever possible. The friends that I do have, luckily appreciate my homicidal honesty. I say something and people will laugh at me because I have apparently said something hilarious. It happened a lot in my last job, the whole room would erupt into laughter and I had no idea what was going on or what was so amusing. It confused rather than upset me.

There are times that I will say something that upsets another person. I never say anything with that intention and often have no clue that I have done so until that person becomes angry or upset with me. When that happens, I discuss it with my husband who patiently explains to me why what I said could upset another person. Afterwards, I will be wracked with guilt as I would never deliberately set out to upset someone else.

I do however wish that, as a race, we could be more honest, not say one thing when we mean another. I think this is why I like the written word so much, a hurtful sentence isn’t hidden behind a lying smile. It is simply there in plain view.

In deference to the majority of the rest of the human race, I tend to limit my face to face social interactions as much as possible, tending towards emails and written communication in a variety of guises that allow me to maintain these very few friendships with incredibly special people.

My husband deserves a medal!


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