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Hitting back at hate

It has taken me a while to write a response to the ‘I hate my child’ article that was applauded as brave and refreshingly honest. I am taking a stand for the women out there I know exist who don’t think it brave and honest to say you hate your own child, but worrying and concerning that a child is in a situation like this with a mother who hates her.

I understand that not all women are meant to be mothers and I am also of the mind-set that it is totally a woman’s choice. I do not judge or disrespect any woman who openly admits they have no desire to have any little ones, it is ridiculously hard, exhausting, tiresome, frustrating, irritating and toe-curlingly painful to be a parent so to be one you have to be 100% committed.

Nothing is easy. Life as a parent is not always joyful and believe me there are times when I question what I did to deserve the trauma that children can cause but my kids are my kids. They are a result of the love between me and my husband and they teach me new things every day. Even on the days when they are driving me to my limit and making me think I am actually going insane, I could never ‘hate’ them. I created them, I put them on this earth and to hate them would be wrong.

To hate the situation you are in is different, to hate that you are not able to bond or co-exist with your child is something else but to say you hate the actual child is not right and is an emotion that requires help.

My children are a total reflection of me and my husband. Their good traits, their bad traits and their down-right horrendous traits, they are what they have observed, learned and taken on board before they could even walk or talk for themselves. The older they get the more they are able to learn what is right and wrong, good and bad, acceptable or not but they have to be shown this. Children are not born evil, they are blank canvases that soak up everything around them.

I will never protest that my children are perfect, adorable angels. They are argumentative, full of attitude and push the boundaries every single day, just like I did when I was their age and so for that I can’t hate them. When I see a bad part of me in them it pushes me to change and in changing not only do I become a better person, I teach my children to be better people too.

Children are a choice, they don’t ask to be born and they don’t deserve to be hated. Hate the situation you are in and seek help and advice to change it for the sake of yourself and those around you but don’t hate the child because that isn’t fair.

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