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Frenemies

Let’s face it.  We all have or at least had a person in our lives whom we call our friend but really, we loathe seeing them.  We call these people Frenemies.  First, let’s define the term:

Urbandictionary.com has various definitions of what a Fr(i)enemy is.  I have picked three that I felt rang true:

  1.  An enemy disguised as a friend
  2. Someone who is both friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust
  3. A person who seems to be a friend, but takes every opportunity to make cutting remarks under the guise of being honest, naive or just stupid

I think if you put these three “definitions” together you will find that you do indeed have this very same relationship with at least one person in your life.  It could be at work or at school or maybe a parent of one of your child’s friends.  So here’s the big question.  

Why do we keep people like this in our lives?

I think as women, we hope we can save everyone.  We assume these people must have redeeming qualities and if we stick around long enough they will be exposed to us, confirming our friendship has always been real.  But does that make it OK for you to suffer every time you are around this so called friend?

Maybe you do get something out of this person.  Maybe they’re the only mom willing to pick up all the kids after school.  Maybe they’re always available to go out for a drink or maybe you think you can get an honest opinion from them because of their bluntness.  But is this really what you’re looking for?  Do you have to be friends with everyone?

No.  You don’t.  This life is too short for you to waste it on people who do not lift you up every day.  Why do you want someone to tell you how terrible you look in those pants when they could tell you to try a different style.  Sure, they may be willing to pick up your kid from school every day but does that mean you have to be best friends with someone who you have nothing in common with besides the block you live on?  We don’t need to have more than a handful of friends as long as they’re true friends.  The Frenemy is a waste of time.

There is no point spending hours debating whether or not to call someone because you know they’ll be pissed if they weren’t invited but in reality you don’t want them around. We do too many things we don’t want every day, but this shouldn’t apply to our friends.  Friends are people with whom we enjoy spending our time and want in our company.  So toss the frenemy aside.  I bet you, if you don’t, they soon will and you’ll be scratching your head wondering why you spent so many hours with a person who was never genuine.

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