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The Fish’s Psyche

The infamous comic and actor, Woody Allen once said, “I’m so used to feeling anxious that when I relax I get nervous.”

I am your garden variety neurotic. I can’t say that I have any interesting symptoms like obsessively eating chalk or believing I am the Queen of Yurthabope. (Don’t google that because I just made it up.)

My therapist says that I am like a goldfish in a tiny bowl…Swimming incessantly, yet getting nowhere. That may sound harsh, but I have been, ‘seeing’ him since I was in the womb. His point is that I need to head towards my goals.

I have that on the calendar’s ‘to do’ list for 2 months from Saturday.

Tense, nervous, anxious, irritable and morose, I struggle through each day feeling as if the glass is half empty. HOWEVER, (notice the capitals,) I love life. Truly.

I find people fascinating, and after 9,765,472 therapy sessions, I think I’ve become intuitive and knowledgeable. The psyche is truly a remarkable corner that is hidden within.

Here’s my abbreviated story;

— Affluent Childhood

— College

— Married

— Kid

— Divorced

— Broken Back

— 6 Whiskey Sours/day

— Sobriety

Inter-space that boring list with lots of drama-rama and you have…Me!!

What is at the core of my psyche? I’d have to say fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of living or dying- dependent on which day of the week it is- and fear of fear. The latter is my favorite.

I fight my fears. I bungee jump and I get within a foot of spiders. I travel and I shower with the curtain closed. Mostly, I put one foot in front of the other on a regular basis.

Prozac works pretty well, too.

“What is my greatest fear?” you ask. Well, it is a tossup between snakes and flowers. Fear of flowers is legit and called, Anthophobia. (I don’t really have a fear of flowers…Just thought that must be a major imposition; particularly difficult during the summer months.)

Being the Queen of Guilt, (don’t google that either), I see where my fears originated. There are a reported 530 phobias. I am patting myself on the back as I only have 163.

Leaving you now with one final quote, I’ll conclude that therapy might not be the answer for everyone because, ‘The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind…’

“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.”
―Jodi Picoult





  • Vicki Flint says:

    I think it’s quite healthy that you can find some humor in your anxiety and fear. That’s a good way to help overcome it.

  • ajmc0114@verizon.net says:

    of course I had to google Yurthabope. But the search just returned YouTube. How boring, I wonder if we could add it to Wikipedia? If only all the people who define those phobias had a path to get past them. Hard to take a leap of faith. Just don’t succumb to anthophobia.. . that really would suck.Maybe Yurthabope is where people can go to face their fears and conquer them, no rocking chairs allowed.

  • harrington48 says:

    I feel like we are twins. Fraternal because I see the glass half full. I however have never, nor will I ever, bungee jump. I think its sad that people like us can fear something as silly as someone leaving a voicemail message with a less than joyful voice telling us to call back because the need to talk to us. I don’t know if you can relate, but messages from my husband/ex-husband terrify me to this day. What did I do wrong? Nothing other than marry him. Lol

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