Have you ever had one of those days that leave you feeling blue? Well, I’ve had plenty of those days over the last week or so. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I know is the sky is grey and the world doesn’t feel like a happy place right now.
I knew that it would be hard once I finished university. I was aware that it would take a while to find a job but I’ve been searching for one since April and didn’t even get a reply when I applied for a coffee shop job! I have plenty of writing in my portfolio, I think I have around 150 different pieces from different magazines, I’m hard working and I have a Creative Writing degree – but no one wants to know.
Having a very small amount of money can be damaging at times. I’m frustrated because I can’t do what I want to do and having no job makes it harder to stay in contact and go out with friends. I feel like I’m in a lonely place a lot of the time. I know I should enjoy this time because when I do get a full time job, I won’t have to time to write as often, I won’t be able to spend the day in PJ’s and I won’t be able to spend the day relaxing with my boyfriend. But I need a job. I need a purpose and a reason to get up each morning.
I can’t help but feel blue. I blame it on my anxiety but I know that I need to try and snap out of it. I’m grateful for everything that I have. I’ve just finished my university degree and I’m finally doing something that I love doing. Why can’t I be paid to write full time?? I ask myself this question on a daily basis and answer it with – because Emma, life isn’t fair. It really isn’t.
What I need is something to happen, a bit of hope. Something to hold onto because everything feels so grey right now and I need some colour back in my life. I need to keep smiling even when I don’t feel like it because if life doesn’t bring me some colour soon, well, I will have to take matters into my own hands and paint my own kind of rainbow.