Back in my college days, I took myself and my two bezzie mates into cooperative professional employment as coordinated Domestic Service Engineers. Or to put it another way we were a team of cleaners. If you’d asked me back then what I did I would have said ‘cleaner’ or, (if feeling particularly jovial), ‘scrubber’. If you ask me today what I used to do, I will give the same answer. For in spite of the self-important, inflated job titles we use nowadays, to describe even the most mundane of jobs, at the end of the day I was still lugging a bucket of bleach and scrubbing down toilet floors… and did it worry me what I was called. Like hell it did!
I loved my days as a ‘scrubber’. Our little trio of trouble worked in a block of offices, earning what was a decent enough wage at the time, for what was, quite frankly, one of the most fun jobs I’ve ever had. What made cleaning so much fun you ask? Well perhaps not the work itself, but the antics we got up to when no one else was looking, such as chair races. There was a large, open plan office space on the top floor that had two wheelie chairs in. I doubt I need to explain the mechanics of it, but let’s just say that that floor probably got more polish than the rest of the whole building. Wheeeeee!
We would also plat hide and seek. Often, late into the evening only one or two dedicated schmucks (I mean workers) would be tapping away at their keyboards. The rest of the building was in darkness. To this day I will never forgive my mate for staying hidden under a desk whilst me and my other mate got a rollicking for messing around! Good game though, well played! Toilet roll stairs was also particularly popular. I can’t think of a more imaginative title, but like Ronseal; “It does what if says on the tin”. We threw toilet rolls down the stairwells, six flights of stairs to be precise. Oh the fun.
They were great days, my scrubber days. Then we grew up and got serious jobs, deserving of a serious job titles and the fun and games were no more. Still, it was fun whilst it lasted. So in light of the exaggerated job title for cleaners, I’ve put together a little collection of amazing titles for other employment opportunities. Please comment below if you can think if any more.
Talent acquisition team = HR department
Peripatetic catering operative = pizza delivery guy
Sanitation engineer = binman
Sandwich artists = job at Subway
Media distribution officer = paper boy
Education centre nourishment technician = school dinner lady
Gastronomical hygiene technician = dishwasher
PHART OR physical and recreational technology = PE teacher
Pharmaceutical Distribution Agent = drug dealer