Doctor Who officially returns this Saturday. Take a “Deep Breath” to calm your excitement. If you’re as obsessed as I am with the most popular shows across the globe, you’re obviously searching for an appropriate plan to prepare yourself for the abrupt shift from the glorious Matt Smith as Eleven to the enigmatic Peter Capaldi as Twelve. Here’s a foolproof plan to take part in as you wait the remaining four days for the Series 8 premiere!
1. Prepare to rewatch all seven seasons in one week because you have absolutely no life now that your summer internship has finished. Scream “I can’t even” several times an episode when and hum along with the theme music as loud as you can. Your mom’s coming downstairs to the basement to check you’re still alive and your sister is considering committing you to an insane asylum. Forget about them; they don’t understand the beauty. Persist.
2. Fall in love with the Ninth Doctor because honestly the first time you watched his season you were too caught up with the corny early 2000s special effects to appreciate his genius. But Eccleston, you’ve seen the light now, and he’s fantastic!
3. Cry. Like, actual tears. Not just the dry heaves you pretend to have when watching Marley and Me so no one thinks you’re a heartless machine. Nine was fantastic and Rose was fantastic and you were amazing for watching all of series one without a bathroom break.
4. Recover very quickly, because THE TENTH DOCTOR HAS TAKEN THE STAGE. God, that hair, that smile, that tongue, those teeth. Feel things for a TV character you’ve never felt before.
5. Bawl. Sob. Weep. Repeat. (Because you’ve never felt so many emotions so fast as you blaze through. Also, you will go down with the Rose-Doctor ship.)
6. Truly appreciate the strength of Martha and Donna; the last time you watched, you just wanted Rose back but now you see just how much in common you have with these two companions, provoking even more tears.
7. Take an hour to recover from the loss of David Tennant, eat a banana and five spoons of Nutella to fill the hole in your heart, and then press forward. You have a mission to complete.
8. Don’t feel as empty anymore because OMG MATT SMITH IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.
9. Wish you were Karen Gillan because ACCENT AND LEGS. Also because she gets the Doctor AND Rory all to her beautiful self.
10. Cry uncontrollably because the Doctor is married and every shot you ever had had been wiped away. Also cry because your hair will never look like River Song’s.
11. Fall completely in love with the Eleventh Doctor despite his monogamy. Sorry David, there’s a new Doctor in town, and he wears a bowtie and gives great speeches.
12. Dissolve into a puddle of your own tears during Angels Take Manhattan. Don’t stop crying until the Time of the Doctor. Sometime between that cheer because Gallifrey falls no more and look at the Tardis Wiki because Clara Oswald confuses you, but all the while have tears streaming down your face because that’s the only real way to watch Doctor Who.
13. Make your Facebook cover photo the epic picture of all the Doctors assembled because you have never loved a TV show as much. Scream in excitement when the Twelfth Doctor’s theme song plays and for forty-five minutes forget the outside world. It’s Who Time. (And time to find out if twelve is a good man.)