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I am not sure how many times this past weekend that I thought the following: “Somebody please shoot me and put me out of my misery.” …Lots of times, I can assure you that. Very few people have what it takes to annoy me, but this past weekend proved to me that there are some that definitely do. There are some people that I simply can’t stand. …Too bad I discovered that after inviting him over.

You know when you meet someone who instantly makes a good impression and you think that this – this might be person that will fit perfectly into your circle of friends. That was what happened to me and my partner in crime a few weeks back. We were at a party when a new face appeared; a chatty guy who quickly made friends with everyone. He was out-going, fun, friendly and quite attractive and it didn’t take long for everybody to love him. What was not to like about a guy like that?

The next day; my partner in crime and I moved to London. Things went on well and we kept in touch with our new friend, which is why it seemed like a great idea when he suggested he’d come and visit us for a few days. “Sure,” we said, “come on over and we’ll have some fun.” …You have probably figured out already that things turned out a little bit different than planned. Some say that you never really get to know someone until you travel with them, and boy’ does that apply to this guy.

I saw the first signs of alarm already the second we spotted him at Victoria station. He was wearing a trench coat. I am sorry, but I have since a long time back promised myself never to trust a man in a trench coat. No offence to you trenchie lovers out there. So yes, this guy stood there waiting for us, with his trench coat nicely buttoned and two huge suitcases. The suitcases aren’t really part of the story – I am just painting a picture. The first thing we did was to go for breakfast and that was when I noticed he had a habit of trying a little too hard to start conversation with strangers. He asked too many questions when ordering his sandwich and he made jokes that weren’t funny nor were they taken as jokes by their receivers. Okay, I thought, the guy is new in town and he doesn’t know us very well yet – perhaps he is just trying to prove himself. No harm in that. Hah! Turns out it wasn’t just strangers that he tried a little too hard to conversate with. He also had a wonderful habit of interrupting people.  Whenever someone spoke, he interrupted. Mostly to try and sound interested, but the problem was that his comments and replies came too fast, which made every conversation with him (or anyone else) utterly difficult. The guy just couldn’t keep quiet. To give you an idea of the kinds of comments he would make: If I would say “I went to McDonald’s yesterday becau-“, he would interrupt by saying something like “Ah, because you were hungry right?” … No shit? Thanks for clarifying that.

The next warning sign was when I discovered that he found himself a little too attractive. I have a serious problem with people who openly show how hot they think they are. There is nothing wrong with being confident and hey – liking yourself is gold – but there are different ways to do it. I snapped a picture of this dude, he looked at it and then he looked at me. “I look like a model for Diesel, don’t you think? Or H&M… no… I think Diesel. Yeah.” Had it been a joke it would have probably been funny, but he was dead serious, waiting eagerly for me to agree. I tried my hardest to smile but I think it turned out looking more like a doubtful grimage. I had a tiny bit of trouble believing what I was hearing.

Then came the ignorant comments. He tried so hard to be funny that he offended people without even realizing. We brought him over to see some friends of ours, which I came to regret quite deeply. They absolutely hated him, I could tell, even though they would have never said anything. None of us managed to maintain a normal conversation that night, as our new “friend” kept interrupting with stuff that to the rest of us seemed completely irrelevant. If my partner in crime and I tried to tell the story of how he met, this dude would cut in with the “story” of how we met him. Nobody cared, but he didn’t seem to realize. He talked just for talking. Gosh.

He was rude to our friends and as of that I knew we had misjudged him in the beginning. He was not the kind of person that would fit right into our circle of friends, or any circle of friends, if you ask me. He was also the worst kind of copycat. Whatever we – and especially my partner in crime – did, he did it too. If we said we liked movies, he liked movies too. If our favorite actor was Sean Bean, his favorite actor was also Sean Bean. If we said our favorite snack food was rosted butternut squash (it is, just for the record) – that so happened to be his favorite snack food as well. Strange, right, how much we had in common? Hmm.

On top of everything else, this lovely (please notice the sarcasm here) young man was also extremely stubborn. There were so many things that he didn’t know, but whenever someone called him on his mistakes or tried to correct him – he did everything possible to argue for his cause. He was right, ALWAYS, according to himself… I still cringe at the thought of when he tried to convince me that writer’s block was a group you joined when needing some help with your writing…

It got to the point where I just stopped trying to be nice. The guy was completely impossible to deal with! No matter what I (or my partner in crime) said, he either agreed (a little too enthusiastically) and added a completely irrelevant story about his own life, or he said the complete opposite just for the sake of arguing. I don’t say this too often; but after a couple of days together – I couldn’t stand him. I despiced him. He contradicted himself a lot too, simply because he was trying so hard to agree with everyone. If I said something – he agreed – and then my partner in crime said the opposite so he had to agree with that too. Quite impressive, really, it’s a miracle his changes in opinion didn’t cause whiplash.

I could talk about him all day, I swear, because literally – he was driving me crazy. I am normally quite a tolerant person, but even I have my limits. At the end of our weekend together, my partner in crime and I wanted nothing more than to get rid of him. He kept asking if we had figured out how he could get to the airport yet – we; as in my partner in crime and I! The guy was a grown man but he apparently expected us to fix everything for him. He also kept saying things like “We have to leave at…” as if he expected us to follow him all the way to the airport. No. I told him several time that no, it made no sense for us to go all that way, but that we would make sure he got on the right bus. He – as always – didn’t seem to listen.

We were asleep when he woke us up to tell us that it was time to go. “Come on,” he said, “we’re going to be late.” WE were not going to be anything, I wanted to say, but I restrained myself. He was leaving, after all. When we got to the bus stop and saw the bus approaching – I explained to him where to get off and what bus to take from there. His face expressed complete shock. “What,” he said, “you are coming with me.” My partner in crime and I shook our heads, telling him once again that it didn’t make sense for us to go, especially since we had an important work interview the following day. “Oh yes you are coming with me,” he said again and reached out to pull us along with him. We explained that we had told him several times that we weren’t coming and that besides; we hadn’t brought any money for the bus (which, I must admit, was a lie), “I’ll pay for you,” he continued persistantly while the bus driver waited for someone to get on. He was looking just as annoyed as I felt. I was about to explode. Was the guy going to get on the bus or not, or were we never going to get rid of him? I had finally had enough and pushed him onto the bus. “Let’s go,” I said, which to him apparently meant that we would all go. He got onto the bus, I took a step back and nodded to the bus driver who immediatelly closed the doors. I could see the panic on the guy’s face as the glas separated us from him, but I had to bite my lip in order not to smile. I felt relief washing over me and as soon as the bus was out of sight I turned to my partner in crime. The look on his face was saying I-can’t-believe-we-just-did-that-but-I-am-not-sorry-even-though-I-probably-should-be, which was pretty much the same as I felt.

That was it. The guy was gone and our lives could finally go back to normal. Under normal circumstances I am the kind of person who tolerats everyone, even when I shouldn’t. I have been accused several times of being too nice. …This weekend did not qualify as “normal circumstances.” What have I learned from this? Well, not to invite a person I have only just met to a weekend away, no matter how nice that person seems. I am amazed. The guy we spent the weekend with is potentially the most annoying person I have ever met in my life. For that he shall be remembered.

…Oh and I probably won’t forget the sight of those bus doors closing in front of him either.

That was priceless.

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