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Can a woman be complete without a man?

I said no to my ex. Yes, I felt good. I was in control of me and what I choose to do or not do. I’m not going to allow someone else to sway my decision about a situation that I wasn’t comfortable with. YES I feel f******* GOOD ABOUT ME!

I think this is how we feel when we are already done with a relationship (for however long that may be); and after contemplating if we want to reunite with that ex, to feel comfortable and not guilty can improve a girl’s self-esteem.

Could it be that the person I’ve become, from the person I used to be, is a big part of why I feel like I have achieved something; I am no longer that young girl who didn’t know anything. A totally naïve impressionable young 21 year old. I realised that I not only like the person I have become, but I also love her.

It is no wonder that I don’t want to go backwards. I am moving forward. I may not be in a relationship right now and I think that it’s okay. I look at how far I’ve come and don’t want to give that up just yet. Yes, I guess you can say, I am being selfish to an extent, but, at the same time, who else is wearing my shoes; no one. I am enjoying my independence and am not ready to give it up just yet. Having to be accountable to someone else and everything that comes with it; it’s just not the time yet for me to have to do that. I enjoy not having to be back by a certain time, or not having to cook if I choose not to. My kids are grown and because of that, this time in my life is about living it for me.

Sure, I’ve had a few relationships since my divorce back in 1999, a serious one for almost 10 years. I could probably be married again by now with said person, but I chose not to marry this person because I was falling out of love with him. Admittedly, I do miss the companionship of a relationship, but I look at the bigger picture and want to only commit myself to someone who is worthy of me. Just as I would want that person to feel the same about me.

It’s funny; when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I thought I was done looking for someone to fall in love with and that I was looking for someone who had something to offer. They would need to have a good-size income so that my financial struggles could finally be over, but after hearing my ex-husband present himself with a plan to make my life easier and take away those struggles; I decided to pass him up on his offer. So, am I still a true romantic at heart? Perhaps, I am because, I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t tempting; a nice house, a car, vacations, etc., but, if I know that that person can’t make me happy in the truest form that I am looking for, then I don’t want it. Sadly, if you listen to my ex-husband, I am making the biggest mistake of my life by turning him down.

Could it be that his ego is bruised and therefore he wants me to feel guilty and or negative about myself for turning him down? I think so. Heck, in his mind, he’s talked himself into accepting me back and I should be grateful that he even wants to get back with me. Is he frustrated that I don’t? A big YES! Again, I reiterate that this life is mine and the shoes I walk in are mine, therefore, no one else can know what it is that will make me happy and satisfied with my life but me.

If you listen to society, for the most part, a woman isn’t complete without a man. I agree to a certain extent, because I do believe in family and all of that, but if it isn’t on the cards then what is a girl to do? Just bide her time and have faith that God will provide her with that special someone to walk into her life? Until that happens, then I have to say that I will continue to live for me.

I recently told my ex-husband that I feel rich when I am able to keep a roof over mine and my kids’ heads and pay the bills without having to worry about it from pay-check to pay-check. I was doing it for a little while and then one thing happened and it became a domino effect. My purpose in telling him that was to let him know that I am not the type of girl to just get together with someone just because they dangle money in front of me. That is not how I was raised and if my mother even thought that I would begin to do so now, it would disappoint her totally.

So, Ladies, how would you determine if the act of getting back together with an ex is for the love and feelings you once had for him, or if you are being swayed by his finances? And, what of the decision to get back with your ex for the financial aspect of it; is his net worth bigger than the reason you are no longer with him, or does the reason outweigh his net worth? Believe me, this is no way a judgmental thing, it’s more out of curiosity that I ask this question. So, feel free to comment on this article and let me know your thoughts on the matter.

Whatever the case may be, especially for us women who are 40 and over, where do we gain our comfort in relationships? We are no longer married or with anyone special, so what do we do? Do we keep our minds open or do we shut down?

As I mentioned before, can we as women, live without being in a relationship (especially marriage)? Or is it something that defines us? I would like to think that being in love and married can enhance a person as long as the relationship isn’t detrimental to one’s emotional, mental, physical and spiritual self. Or if it is, then do we turn the other cheek and withstand the negative relationship; whether if it’s for the kids or anything else of similar importance, or do we walk away from it. My take on it as to staying with someone for the kids’ sake is that it isn’t always a good idea. My goal when raising my boys was to show them how not to treat a woman as well as how to treat her and if being in a relationship jeopardises that teaching, then it’s not for the positive good of it, but rather it will eventually reflect negatively on the kids as they grow up.

So, let me know your thoughts once again and I hope that this article has shed light or provoked you into thinking about your situation and where it might lead you from here…..

Until next time, take care Ladies!

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