Can you do something for me? Can you help me out? Would you take a look around at your nearest and dearest? Check out the online community you are part of and look through the contacts list on your phone. I am looking for someone. I guarantee she or he will be there. I am looking for the bitch in a veil that is hiding in plain sight.
You know the one I mean don’t you? The one that gives you encouragement when you need it. The one that helps you find out the information you need to know. The person that you can turn to whether it rains or shines. The support that you think you can’t live without because it’s so precious. It doesn’t sound very bitchy does it? It sounds like you have found a diamond in the rough. But be careful. Every pat on the back will be accompanied by a hidden insult.
‘Gosh, you have lost so much weight, it makes your face look so …… thin.’
‘He was not good enough for you ….. I told you that months ago’
‘Of course you don’t have to come ……. plenty of people will be there so I won’t miss you’
They are impossible to detect because they come in all shapes and sizes. They might be a huge presence in your life or they may be a smaller participant on the sideline. You won’t know what you’re looking for because they hide so well. But keep in mind, the next time you need advice or help. Which is the person that you walk away from feeling more confused than you felt in the first place. Which is the person that addresses your concerns, but somehow manages to highlight issues you didn’t know you had. This person is your veiled bitch and they are closer than you think.
‘I know it stressing you out ….. But you’re a much stressed out person.’
‘It has gone a funny color ……. But you have one of those basic Bob cuts so it looks ok’
‘Oh no, I can’t believe they have ran out of size 14’s ……. Well a size 16 will give you the extra room you need, so cheer up’
When your down on your knees and the worst has happened, your veiled bitch will pick you back up, but only far enough to make sure you can’t be taller than they are. They will help you put your jigsaw puzzle back together, but will keep the finishing corners hidden in their pockets. They will be the one that answers your phone when you don’t want to talk to anyone, but then proceed to gossip to the caller about how your behaving. This is the one person that will go and pick up your things from an ex-boyfriends. But make no mistake, they will stay for a glass of wine and have him in bed within two hours.
‘You’re good enough to get that job surely …….. It’s not like its rocket science’
‘The house looks lovely …… Your style is umm, eclectic’
‘I can’t think why they aren’t speaking to you ……. I mean you believe in what you said’
What I often wonder is how these types get away with bitching for so long. I think as people we are all naturally a little suspicious, so how does this person stay under the radar. The only way I can explain it is that we are all in need of a little ego massaging even if it does come at a price. Every veiled insult is mirrored with a mediocre positive, so maybe we will happily accept that because it’s better than nothing at all. The trouble is that when the veiled bitch strikes they usually do it when we particularly vulnerable. It makes it easier for them and they can walk away with a clear conscience thinking that they helped as well as hindered.
So what is their motivation? Could it be they are threatened by you and your life? Could it be that they can’t help it or don’t really know they are at fault? Could it be an addiction, perhaps they just genuinely like admonishing people and it gives them a warm, fuzzy feeling to think they have left you a little bit cold.
The thing is, to understand their motivation, we will all have to do something ourselves. Something terribly frightening and something that might make us feel quite bad. We all have to admit there is a little bit of the veiled bitch in all of us. Perhaps there is that one person that we all help to get back up, whilst keeping one hand on their shoulder. Maybe we all have that person that we don’t want see displaying their full potential.
Admitting this would help us see behind the veil a little easier. It will also help uncover the truth about your veiled bitch. Could it be that they bitch because they hold you so dear, that they are terrified of losing you? Could it be a little snipe here and there will keep you from leaving them behind? I think the fear of abandonment and the little but of insecurity that goes with it can make some change in us all. The fear of losing a friend can force even the most saintly rummage out a veil and get underneath it.
Maybe the veiled bitch isn’t so hidden after all. They are probably the one that always asks you for advice. They are more than likely the one who hangs on to your every word. Then without any hesitation, you start to roll out your own commentary on their lives. And guess what? It is probably not so distant from what they have said you at some point.
If that is the case, then don’t bother looking through your phones. Just simply do what I ended up just doing. I found the biggest veiled bitch I knew under the letter M. M for Me. And whilst I am shocked and appalled by my discovery (picture me with shame and a gasp.) I realized I am not anywhere close to dropping my veil, not just yet anyway. Wait, to be honest, never in a million years and I’ll bet my friends all feel the same way.
Love Keels xx