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The Biggest Lie

I, along with a lot of other females out there in this world, like to to tell a fib once in a while and I mostly do my fib telling during big conversations with females who talk about feelings, relationships and men. Now, ever so often, the topic of jealousy comes up, and I know females out there, like myself, that lie through our teeth every time someone asks you the questions, “But would you be jealous though?” And instantly we say, no. Obviously there’s scenarios out there that, hands down, would get us jealous, but the majority of the time, we claim we won’t be jealous. What’s funny is that, we’re probably the females in the world that’d get jealous faster than any other woman, but admitting that not only to ourselves but to other people, is a little too much for a group conversation. So we accept our lie and say, “no, there’s no point in being jealous.”

But, throughout all those lies, I never did consider it ever happening to me, until I found myself, in that very same position I never thought I’d be in.

Let me give you a scenario, so your partner has a variety of friends, male and female, he has close guy-friends and close girl-friends, then all of a sudden, he comes up to you and announces that one of his close girl-friends fancies him. What would you do? Let me tell you what I did when he told me this same news. I lied. Not to him, no, to myself – the first thing I did when I found out someone else liked the guy I’m in a relationship with was lie. I told myself, ‘No way am I going to get jealous!

Already I was jealous, that very moment he broke that news to me I was jealous, my brain was doing overtime picturing how many times this female tried to make a pass at my boyfriend. Thinking about it now, I even question, why was I jealous already? But, I guess some jealousy stems from fear, and I feared that I could lose someone dear to me because of that female professed her love for my boyfriend. And it was weird, I’ve never had to compete for a man before, even though technically I’ve won this competition as the guy we’re both interested in, is mine. However, the fact someone else can see the features and aspects of what I love about this guy to the point they like him too, was an issue to me.

But, after a couple of weeks of him breaking the news to me, he asked, ‘How do you feel about this?’ He continuously told me that he doesn’t care for this other woman, however he wanted to know how I felt. And boom! I lied for a second time, I said I was “fine”, when really I wasn’t. I didn’t like the fact that because he didn’t want to offend this woman he just ignored her passes, instead of telling her to back off.

It was then I knew, no matter the situation, I will never admit in being jealous, and I know ‘honesty is the best policy’, but sometimes dealing with things within your own time is better than airing them to others. I sat down for a long while thinking about why people never confess that they’re jealous. Like what harm is it to say, ‘Yes I am jealous.’?

See, the generation that I’ve come from have viewed being jealous as a sign of weakness, a sign that shows you have lack of trust within your partner and that you’re paranoid. But as I sit on my bed, I think to myself, it’s deeper than what some guys would like to say, “it’s just irrational thoughts baby”, being jealous, to an extent, shows your partner how scared you are to lose them to someone else, how protective you are over them and how the thought of someone else getting in-between you and his’ equation isn’t something you agree with. So, even though I previously said I would never admit to jealousy, I guess I was again fibbing, because even though it holds so many negative connotations, in the end it ‘s just another emotion that expresses how much you like your partner.

And there’s no harm in telling your partner how you feel, because what do you have in a relationship if you can’t tell your partner the truth?

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