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Is your BFF an ‘askhole’?

It’s not really advice that your best girlfriend is after, she just wants to talk everything out with you. And here’s why:

1. She admires you.
She thinks you’re level headed and righteous. She finds that you make smart, gallant decisions. She believes your take on the situation will give her clear insight through the fog.

2. She appreciates the listener in you.
She realises you’re an exceptional listener and knows she can go over and over a situation and receive only patient attention from you, with no judgment!

3. She knows you won’t judge her when she becomes irrational with emotion.
You’ll allow her to throw out every crazy possibility she can think of, while avoiding the obvious truth in her troubles. She knows you’ll let her go on as long as she needs to.

4. You tell it like it is.
After she takes a few short or long circles around denial lane, you force her to see what’s real. She realises you will not hesitate to point out her truths. She knows she needs to hear her truths from a trusted tongue.

5. You comfort her.
You may not be the hugs and head rub type but she finds comfort in you. Overwhelming circumstances leaves her raw but your friendship gives her back some layers.

6. She trusts you completely.
She trusts you. She believes your intentions are always pure. You want what’s best for her. She is certain you wouldn’t steer her wrong.

7. You’re a great friend.
You’re the woman with gallons of love to give and when your friends need it they come to your door. You spend hours listening and offering gems of advice. You can’t help but feel disappointed when your homegirl decides to leave your advice at home. The worst part; when you follow up with her she almost seems to have forgotten what you advised and is living the same pattern all over again.

You want to wring her neck… I know.

But again, she never came for advice. Even when she’s begging you to tell her what to do, it’s not really what she wants. She doesn’t take your advice because:

She’s a woman. She’s intuitive. She already has the answer within her, she just isn’t ready to deal with it. But she needs to talk it out.

She made a mistake and knows fixing it won’t be easy.  The longer she sits and talks with you about her troubles, the more time she can have to not have to fix it.  Building up courage to do something that will cause you grief takes time.

• Love takes time to heal. No matter who the guy is or what he does, she felt loved by him. So essentially, if your advice even suggests a life without him she will not hear it.

• Too emotional. Emotions can bring about irrationality. It’s because logic and emotion come from two different places in the brain. The logic diminishes as the emotion decreases. If your friend is an extremely emotional friend, she may not be able to draw from your advice because it’s on the opposite side of where she’s at.

• She’s a doormat. You’re a ‘tell it like it is friend’. She may not have the courage to take your advice. I’d rather be communicative and upfront with questions and concerns. I’ll always advise my girls to “ask him then” or “tell him that this is what you need”. Many a lady will seem extremely hesitant to ask or say anything. These women think they are being elusive and cool by not asking, when they are in fact being a doormat.

• She does what works. Some women will do what they believe works for them. If your advice is off track with what they’re accustomed to they may decide right then not to take it. People live in comfort zones, even when their methods don’t work they stick to them. Scientifically this is known as insanity. It’s really holding on to what feels comfortable in a painful situation.

• She thinks she has taken your advice. You tell her what you think is best and she agrees. She has every intention on following suit. She speaks, demands, leaves. A few days she’s back… but she did leave. Her version of taking your advice must be different from yours.

There are a handful of reasons your best friend seems to always be in need of your advice and the chances are she won’t take it. But the fact that she comes to you repeatedly for it is an honour to you as her friend. If the next bit of wisdom you grace upon her seems to have gone over her head, don’t sweat it. I’m sure there’s a good, delusional, irrational reason for it.

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