Divorce for an adult child is many things, but easy isn’t one of them.
I remember when I first realised that things weren’t right between my parents. It was my birthday and I was going out for a meal with my partner. My dad was driving us and that’s when he told me that things weren’t ok. I felt panicked and if I recall correctly, my evening became about them and not me.
“Naa they’ll be fine, it’s just a hiccup”
Fast forward 6 months later and my Dad had left the marital home.
Although I knew, it was completely unexpected.
So, when you’re a child and your parents separate, they have to make the effort to be civil for the sake of you. They don’t blame or bad mouth each other in front of you and they have to try to still be united as parents.
When the “child” is an adult, living on their own or with a family of their own, all of the above seems to go out of the window.
You’re not protected from the insults or from the reasons behind the marriage breakdown. You become a confidant, unwillingly. You feel like you’re being pulled in two different directions, you’re trying not to take sides…. All whilst trying to fathom what life will be like now.
The most frustrating bit of it all is people not understanding how you feel. “You’re old enough to deal with it” or “it’s not as traumatic as when you’re a child”.
It made me wonder if I wasn’t “normal” for feeling the way I did.
You’re expected to appreciate how hard it is for your parents, yet they can’t seem to do the same for you.
Planning occasions ie birthdays, christenings etc becomes a chore and no matter what you do you’re going to hurt one of their feelings. In the end, you put the occasion off because of their selfishness.
Being an adult means nothing and our inner child will always reveal itself in one way or another.