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5 Things That Your Kids Won’t Get To Enjoy

The other day, my 4-year-old cousin asked me if the park had internet. This was so she could play with her iPad. In the park. Hell, if you’d handed me an iPad while I was playing in the park as a child, I would have probably used it as a frisbee and had it over the fence within minutes. Children of today have the kind of amazing technology that would have made my eyes turn into dollar signs as a kid, but there are many more wholesome experiences that they’re likely to never have.

Watching the same film over and over simply because it’s the best out your collection of videos. This may seem tedious, but I don’t regret one single time that I watched Grease dammit. Also, watching a film that much creates an attachment, an association between that film and the period of your life you were going through at the time. When there’s so much choice, there’s barely enough time for a film to become nostalgic.

Playing classic video games. The graphics look awful in comparison to those they’re used to (for instance, the older Pokemon and Mario games) so they have little patience for them. They were so simplistic that they were addictive on a narcotic level. Tetris, not even once.

Less focus on health and safety. Do you know that Kinder Eggs are no longer sold in America because someone decided that the kids might not realise the toy is in fact a toy and not edible? Kids want to roll down hills in barrels and play with darts and throw shit. Unravel the bubblewrap please mums.

Organising something with your friends and trusting that you will all be at the designated place at the designated time. House phones don’t reach the local McDonalds. If you can’t find your friends you just look for the pile of discarded bikes. Now kids will be texting each other right until they’re bumping noses.

Preserved innocence. With such easy access to the internet, you can bet your butt that your son or daughter has seen something you wouldn’t want them to, unless you don’t leave them alone with their iPads or laptops ever. Even the simplest of searches can lead to inappropriate sites and images, not to mention the people that have access to them over social media and chatrooms. It’s certainly useful for bashful children who don’t want to ask their parents for information, but it can also allow them to find disturbing viral videos (do not, I repeat, do not search ‘lemonparty’. Just don’t do it.) that their friends can often dare them to watch, or inaccurate information. It’s best not to breathe down a child’s neck over it, but make sure they’re properly informed and provide counselling if they see too much.

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