I have reached the point I never thought I would reach…. I think I want a third baby! I have the two most amazing little girls and after my second bundle of gorgeousness was born I swore I was done. Yeah right!
I remember the exact moment I had “that” feeling. The feeling I didn’t even know I had until I started talking about it with my husband. No one was more shocked by this than me. OK that’s a fib, my husband was pretty shocked too, still is. Now it’s the all-consuming thought that whirls around in my already exhausted head every single day and has done for over a year now. I’m able to have complete conversations with myself for hours on end about whether or not I actually want another baby or is it simply because so many people around me are having babies that it’s just a broody phase and if I wait it out it will pass.
The problem is everyone has a definite opinion on what I should do…..well everyone but me that is. I went to a new hairdresser the other day and we had your general start up chit chat and then she asked about children. I said I have two but I’m broody for another. Without hesitation she said “Don’t do it” Well that settles it then, this lady who I never met before says don’t do it, that’s me told I shall never speak of it again and shall bury this feeling for the rest of my life. But then again had she said “Oh yes, go for one more” I would have been delighted that someone somewhere finally gave a positive opinion of having three. The fact that I even mentioned it to this total stranger makes me think that I am trying to find those positive 3 baby families who will tell me all is amazing and I should not put it off any longer.
The thing that is a little scary, well a lot scary, when you make the jump from two to three is whole practical side of….. well everything, that comes with having a third. Holidays, flights, cars, weddings, university the list goes on. Even down to not being able to hold all theirs hands at once. My heart feels like there is someone missing. There should be three little stockings at Christmas time, three places to set at the table and three kiddies in-between me and my hubby on our Friday Film nights.
But do I really want to do it all again, start from scratch. Put off going to Disney World another couple of years because there really isn’t much point in taking them if you have one under two. Sounds like such a silly argument but this is just one of the many things that are swirling around my fuzzy head. Oh and what about the financial side of things. We live very comfortably at the moment and we are able to offer our girls so much. Adding another to the mix will restrict what we can spend on them and could also impact their education. We were planning on sending the girls to a private school. If we have a third they will have to battle it out gladiator style to see who gets to go.
My poor husband must be so tired of the same conversation over and over again but he is the most wonderful man and will happily listen to every word. I think part of the issue is that he hasn’t actually said “No” he’s simply said he doesn’t want any more right now and can’t say whether his mind will change in the future. I completely respect that as he is being honest but this also means I have that little glimmer of hope that maybe one day soon he will change his mind. It definitely won’t be on the day that one of our girls is crying because we won’t let her put her favourite cuddly toy down the toilet for a “swim” and the other is using his games console as a jumping platform. I worry that if I keep on at him he will give in and let me have another baby to make life easier but this isn’t how it should be. I need him to want it as well.
If only I could work out what is making me “want” another baby. Is it because I have two girls and I really want a boy? Nah, I’d love another little girl, girls are just amazing and I could reuse all my baby clothes for a third time. Is it because my girls are now out of the baby stage and I’m not ready to give that up just yet? I don’t think so. I love the fact the girls are getting bigger and we can have conversations over why they can’t put the puppy in the washing machine. Is it because my Facebook news feed is constantly updated with pictures of new babies coming in to the world? Probably not, they all look a little like Winston Churchill to me.
Or is it that I am simply not done?